Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 11th April

Good Friday? Pig’s Arse!

Crazy Craig sampling the sights of Cranbourne – Hint, there’s not much.

Bloody hell, didn’t us Sandgropers give you all some great sporting options for Good Friday:

  1. Do your arse at Ascot
  2. Do your arse at Kalgoorlie
  3. Do your arse on the Mandurah dogs
  4. Do your arse on the Pinjarra trots

What a way to deal with boredom.

Anyway, the highlight of ‘Shuper Shaturday’ is the Final of the Provincial Championship at Randwick for Day 2 of the Championships, plus a bunch of Group 1s – The Sydney Cup, the Oaks, the Queen of the Turf, and the dreaded Queen Elizabeth Stakes, which will mark a year since Winx bowed out of racing.

42,000 people were at Randwick for Day 2 last year – We’ll probably get a packed out crowd of 35 tomorrow, after you include the cleaners.

Looking further south, it’s also the Easter Saturday meeting at Caulfield, and this year the MRC renamed the Group 3 Victoria Handicap to the Elvis Thurgood 40th Anniversary Cup, to mark 40 years since jockey Ricky Thurgood suffered catastrophic and permanent injuries in a fall off Taras Regent in the 1980 edition of the Easter Cup.

Ricky wasn’t supposed to survive that night – Thanks to the everlasting efforts of his family, he’s still with us 40 years later.

And finally, if the annual Good Friday races weren’t enough, tomorrow marks the high point of the Perth Autumn, with the WATC Derby – Believe it or not, it had Group 1 status just 9 short years ago.

These days it’s just another race for Bob Peters’ retirement fund.

Colette (No.4, Barrier 4) in the Australian Oaks at Randwick, 2:30pm AEST

2400m 3YO Fillies Group 1 (Set Weights)

Trainer: James Cummings, Hoop: Glen Boss, 56kg

I believe I said last week Colette’s win in the Adrian Knox was the best performance by a Colette since Muriel’s Wedding.

I should correct myself, as I was completely overlooking Collette, who gave us the 1989 hit Ring My Bell.

The only problem is this – JMac has been kidnapped by Chris Waller and made to ride Nudge, so Mr Cummings has solicited the services of someone who knows a thing or three about riding ladies in staying Group 1s.


This photo was captured on the night of Makybe Diva’s 3rd Melbourne Cup – I am not lying.

Anyway, the 1 week turnaround was THE form reference for the Derby last week – Let’s see if it’s the same for the fillies.

Profit (No.14, Barrier 5) in Race 7 at Doomben, 3:27pm AEST

1350m Class 6 Plate (Set Weights)

Trainer: Chris Anderson, Hoop: Jimmy Orman, 54.5kg

Unusual times call for unusual actions, so I’m dodging Caulfield and making a rare foray up to Doomben, just a stone’s throw from Hendra, a place revered by Virologists worldwide.

Anyway, in another standard Saturday metro card, Chris Anderson has what few business will be making in 2020.


He was entered for the 3YO field in Race 6 lumping 60 kilos, but instead of giving weight to his age division, he’ll be accepting for Race 7 and taking on the shitkicker older horses, mainly because he’s getting 5.5kg off I Am Vinnie, and 2 kilos off Shalwa.

Profit raced twice already this prep (A month between runs at Eagle Farm), running in the minors both times as a tomato sauce favourite, which would mean if you backed Profit both times, you’d be in Debt.

It really makes you wonder why I’ve included him… Well, apparently weight has something to do with it.

Well-placed, and can win.

Danon Premium (No.1, Barrier 3) in the Queen Elizabeth at Randwick, 3:55pm AEST

2000m WFA Group 1

Trainer: Mitsumasa Nakauchida, Hoop: James McDonald, 59kg

For the first time since 2016, the Queen Elizabeth Stakes is winnable for every trainer not named Chris Waller, and every jockey not named Hugh Bowman.

Well, it’s still winnable for Chris, but Hughie is on an enforced holiday this weekend.

With Winx gone, the Queen Elizabeth looks like a hodgepodge of contenders – The Soap Dodger Addeybb with his brutally tough Ranvet win and the natural British wet track ability, Verry Elleegant with that arrogant Tancred win (And also very good on slop), Te Akau Shark, who should never be underestimated when he is underwater, and sneaking into Sydney like a Japanese submarine is the mythical Danon Premium.

I didn’t even mention Melbourne Cup winner Vow And Declare is also running, but it’s not November, so who gives a rat’s tossbag.

You can forgive us mug punters for not bothering to look at Japanese form -Because it’s in Japan – But on the surface, Danon Premium’s form references match the second part of his name.

  1. He defeated Lys Gracieux in a Group 2 race last Autumn – As some of us remember, Lys Gracieux came here and creamed everyone in a Cox Plate a few months later.
  2. Ran 2nd to Almond Eye in the Autumn edition of the G1 Tenno Sho.

Those 2 form references alone would make him a favourite for any staying race in Australia – The current track status is probably the only thing keeping him at $3.60.

The other interesting thing is that hot hand James McDonald very willingly jumped off Verry Elleegant to get a crack at riding the Japanese horse – If eyes could talk, he’d be telling us there aren’t enough O’s in the word Smooth to describe him.

The only knock is the stock standard Japanese Soft track question, given all Japanese apparently feel like riding on the Princes Highway.

Still, I’ve nailed my colours to the mast for Danon, and like Dido, I will go down with this ship, I won’t put my hands up and surrender, and there will be no white flag on my door.

No.3 on my ‘Great Forgotten Hits of the Early 2000s’

Celebrity Queen (No.8, Barrier 9) in Race 10 at Ascot, 5pm AWST

1200m 72+ Rating Handicap

Trainer(s) : Bob Peters Mr And Mrs Williams, Hoop: W.Pike, 55.5kg

For the first time in several months, I can actually provide a Pike In The Last tip, mostly for the comedy factor.

Bugger off Tuscan Queen, I’m going with the other short-priced Peters Queen, and I don’t care if it bites me on the arse.

Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day

LAYING Untamed (No.2, Barrier 2) in Race 1 at Randwick, 11:35pm AEST

1600m Listed 2YO Fernhill Mile

Trainers: Peter & Paul Snowden, Jockey: Nash Rawiller, 57.5kg

Crazy Craig – Untamed

G’day homo sapiens, it’s Crazy Craig, The Boy From Bairnsdale, and after last week’s SHOCKING performance from Castelvecchio, I’ve been reduce to living in the Crazy Cave once again!

Conditions are so bad in here think I contracted Trench Foot on Tuesday!

Anyway, if George Pell can get a travel exemption in these times, then so can Crazy Craig, so I’m off to Sydney once again to tackle the volatile 2YO ranks!

You might think you’re getting an Easter egg backing Untamed, but that chocolate is good chance of looking and tasting more like CRAP!

Untamed has been good in both his career starts, and yes, he did run 2nd last time out to Holyfield (Who bit off the ears of his rivals that day) at Rosehill, but I have to declare that $2.40 IS RUBBISH, especially against some massive upside types like Postcode, who managed to win with 62kg at Hawkesbury!

Yep – 62 KILOS!

As a 2-Year-Old!

What a Crazy good performance!

Anyway, I’m making as much sense as negative gearing, so long story short, Untamed – My LAY. OF. THE. DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaaazy Craig!

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