Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 30th May

Punting Law #888 – Don’t back anything named ‘Yulong’

Pictured: Cody Walker’s inspiration

Another week in to the new reality, and with the NRL starting again, New South Wales TABs are also open again, albeit with no more than 10 people and adhering to strict cleaning & hygiene rules.

In my experience, that’s one way to keep the crowds away from TABs – Make sure they’ve had a shower before they set foot in the joint.

The other bit of news this week is a familiar story – Trainers in Queensland (Led by Rob Heathcote) are speaking up about the Queensland Racing Integrity Commission not doing enough to crack down on cheating in Queensland racing.

“Nonesense,” replied Commissioner Terry Lewis, as he placed a brown paper bag under his desk.

Still, looking at the cards tomorrow, it’s a pretty good cheating-riddled day at Doomben – A flurry of Listed races to support the G3 Chairman’s Handicap and the Fred Best, The Lord Mayor’s Cup at Rosehill, and over here at Boring Old Belmont, it’s the best Belmont Sprint line-up seen in many years.

The Velvet King, Angelic Ruler, Flirtini (All finished Top 4 in the Roma Cup), Group 1 winners Gatting and Humidor (In his WA debut), Man Booker, Material Man, Perth Cup winner Mississippi Delta…

Should be a great way to waste 5 minutes on a Saturday evening.

And there’s Caulfield… Bloody Caulfield.


Anders (No.1, Barrier 8) in Race 1 at Rosehill, 11:30am AEST

1100m Darley 2YO Handicap

Trainers: Maher & Useless, Hoop: James McDonald, 58kg

Continually betting on Sydney 2 year olds – It’s a great mix of thrill seeking and masochism.

After last week’s failure from Overlord, we move on to Anders, quite possibly named after the better half of John Fitzgerald, the Swedish doubles champion Anders Järryd.

Fitz and Järryd was one of the more underrated men’s doubles combinations – Both reached World No.1, and they appeared in 7 major finals for 4 wins, including 3 out of the 4 major titles in 1991.

That’s a level this Anders hopes to aspire to, and he certainly has a hope based on his 2 performances over the past month, where he was run down late by the still unbeaten Peltzer at Kembla, before he crapped on everyone in an 1100m Wyong maiden by well over 6.5L.

The key words there being Wyong Maiden.

That win was also on a Soft track, and the only news since then is that he gets the lugging bit first time, and with natural improvement, he’ll be right up the front again and right in the finish…

As Proud Mia arrives from Canberra mauls him with a 7-kilo weight advantage.


Miss Einstein (No.6, Barrier 2) in Race 6 at Rosehill, 2:30pm AEST

1400m F&M Benchmark 78 Handicap

Trainer: Bjorn Baker, Hoop: Jason Collett, 58kg

Number 6, Barrier 6, Barrier 2 – So close to unlocking the power of the beast.

He may live in Murray’s shadow, but Bjorn Baker has had some memorable moments in Australia, like when his kids nearly killed him with an exercise ball as he successfully impersonated Air Jordan:

And there was that call where Col Hodges had no idea how pronounce ‘Bjorn Baker’, and was left with something sounding like ‘Bajorn Borg’, followed by ‘Bajorn Borger’ and finally ‘Bajorn Baker’.

Yep, Bjorn doesn’t just dominate Bathurst for fun, he also won the French Open 6 times.

A distant relative of Albert, Miss Einstein is on the 7 day back-up, after charging home in a slow race to run a narrow 2nd to Opacity over the 1500m at Randwick, disappointing the nation in a manner not seen since James Magnussen missed an Olympic gold medal in London by a hundredth of a second.

She goes up 2.5kg on that run, but she does go back to her own gender, gets another Heavy track, however, the more interesting facet is that she goes back another 100m to 1400m.

It may pose a few questions, but, surely you’d think that a horse named ‘Miss Einstein’ would be smart enough to work out a formula that would allow her to get off the fence and attack the line.


Sikorsky (No.6, Barrier 10) in Race 7 at Caulfield, 3:25pm AEST

1600m Benchmark 84 Handicap

Trainer: David Hayes & Associates, Hoop: D.Oliver, 58kg

In my research for this tip, I discovered a Sikorsky is the helicopter equivalent of Lockheed-Martin, which means it’s very good at travelling to heights that this Guide has only reached twice in 15 months.

Imagine the damage this thing could’ve done in the Gulf

The four-legged Sikorsky was definitely airborne third up at Flemington a fortnight back, pretty much winning the race when he got clear running at the 300m, as Orleans Rock was stuck in a place known as ‘The coffin’.

Sticking at the mile, this isn’t a huge step up in class, with the only query being how wide he gets from the barrier, and it appears the horse’s main threat is Lindsey Smith’s tribute to Australian 1980s synthpop icons Machinations.

NO SAY IN IT.

A Hayes horse ridden by Oliver at Caulfield.

Can’t wait for this to end in a pool of tears.


Picture Perfect (No.6, Barrier 5) EACH WAY in Race 9 at Belmont, 4:50pm AWST

2200m Crown Towers Handicap (64+ Rating)

Trainers: Grant & Alana Williams, Hoop: W.Pike, 59kg

Here’s something rarely seen from the Williams stable – A 7 day backup.

Bob Peters must’ve gone off his rocker.

Picture Perfect ran at the 2100m last week, where he went back and got held up on the home turn, but still ran home for 2nd behind Barmagic as the Wizard flicked his wand, and the big development since last weekend is that WA was belted by a combination of a low front and an ex-tropical cyclone, turning Belmont into an extension of the Swan River.

The BOM have described it as the combination of weather systems…. Evangelicals would claim it as the lord cracking the shits about the gay community.

As he comes up at the mighty $4.40/$1.70 (The picture perfect price range for a Chalk Eaters place bet), Picture Perfect has won on a Soft 6 before, but he’ll likely need an outboard motor tomorrow to go with carrying the 59 kilos.

Oh yes and….


Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day

Today’s musical hint: They say we’ll have some fun if it stops raining


LAYING Ruban Bleu (No.6, Barrier 7) in Race 3 at Caulfield, 12:50pm AEST

1200m Neds Handicap (Benchmark 78)

Trainer: David/Ben Hayes & Tom Dabernig, Jockey: Lachlan King (a2) 59kg

Ruban Bleu – The cousin of Cordon Bleu (From delish.com)

Ni hao comrades, it’s Crazy Craig, The Boy from Bairnsdale, sitting here in my cave waiting for the end of isolation, because it’s still 2 bloody weeks until the AFL comes back!

I’VE GOT NO IDEA ABOUT THE RULES OF RUGBY LEAGUE!

After my successful trip to Eagle Farm last week, I’ve been instructed to spend 2 weeks in isolation, so that gives me the perfect excuse to waddle over to The Heath and tackle a Hayes horse like defrocked Irish priests tackle Brazilian marathon runners!

Ruban Bleu, which I assume is some kind of mouldy cheese, has come up a close favourite in a very even race, and as per usual, I’VE GOT NO IDEA WHY!

In fact, there’s 4 apprentices riding the Top 5 in the market!

I ask simply – Is this a Metro Saturday race, or a midweeker at Sale?

On the quick back-up, Mr Cordon Bleu’s form isn’t earth shattering – In 2 runs this year, he’s run 4th, followed by a 4th last weekend at Flemington!

Personally, I’d rather deposit my shekels and support something else, and that’s why I’m happy to say to Lindsay Park, “You probably won’t win this one!”

Ruban Bleu – My LAY. OF. THE. DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaaazy Craig!!!


Craig, you could have just stopped at “I’ve got no idea.”

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