Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 3rd October

The guide displaying worse Spring form than the Geelong Football Club

Needs to trial to the satisfaction of the stewards before racing again

Sadly, I’d say me declaring Rothfire for the Golden Eagle, only for him to end up seriously injured and out for a year, could be the biggest mozzing I’ve put on a horse.

The poor bastard was on his way to an Everest start… then the damn Chalk Eaters got him.

I apologise to all who consider themselves Queenslanders.

So, it’s the first weekend of the busiest sporting October in living memory, and depending on which part of the world you live in, it’s either the start of the AFL & NRL Finals, Epsom Handicap day in Sydney, Turnbull Stakes day in Melbourne, or all of the above.

Meantime, I’m over here in the hard border state getting set for the Kalgoorlie Cup, which is clearly in the Top 25 country racing cups in Australia, just ahead of the Hair Of The Dog out in Snake Gully in November.

On that note, do you ever remember that saying that “You don’t send Group 1 winners to the bush,” or something to that effect?

Well guess what, last year’s Metropolitan Handicap winner Come Play With Me is running around in the Kalgoorlie Cup!

And, he’s only carrying 62 kilos, which is right in my weight division.

So, if something untoward happens to Mitch Pateman, all I can say to Adam Durrant is get me on a jet to Boulder.

September Run (No.8, Barrier 10) in the Poseidon Stakes at Flemington, 12:40pm AEST

1100m Listed 3YO SW+P

Trainer: Chris Waller, Hoop: Craig Williams, 56kg

Wait a minute, why is September Run going around….


How can Chris expect her to run up to her best if she’s not even running in the month she’s named after?

Trainers and owners don’t think about things like that, and I think they should, because the power of voodoo clearly exists.

Common perception thus far in 2020 is that the Sydney colts & fillies will dry lick their mates in Victoria, and based on the early evidence, I’d have to agree.

Look no further than September Run, who didn’t exactly set the world alight in the Silver Shadow, before hopping on the float and going down to Melbourne, where the filly promptly creamed everyone in the Cap D’Antibes Stakes, posting the fastest final 600m of any horse at Flemington ON THE DAY.

It’s worth noting September Run swatted Swats That in the run to the line that day at Flemington.

Swats That won the Scarborough Stakes at The Valley last Friday night.

Apparently that’s a good form reference.

Hungry Heart (No.2, Barrier 4) in the Flight Stakes at Randwick, 2:45pm AEST

1600m Group 1 3YO Fillies

Trainer: Chris Waller, Hoop: James McDonald, 57kg

So as we approach the big one of the Princess Series, which has already been wrapped up Dame Giselle with 3 wins from 3 so far, let’s see my track record with Hungry Heart.

I backed her in the Furious – She ran 2nd and was beaten fair and square by Dame Giselle at the 1200m.

I backed her in the Tea Rose – She ran 2nd and was beaten fair and square by Dame Giselle at the 1400m.

And to complete this Dickhead trilogy, I’ll take Hungry Heart at the 1600m, which is where I imagine Chris has been wanting to send her to for bordering on 2 months, given her pedigree.

Think about this – You have Hungry Heart sired by Frankel, and Dame Giselle, sired by I Am Invincible.

Frankel’s record shows he quite literally was invincible – 14 out of 14.

I Am Invincible, despite his name, only won a pissy 5 times from 13 starts and never won a Group 1.

Somehow he’s commanding $209,000 a shag.

That is seriously good business from the folk at Yarraman.

Remember to come back here tomorrow evening when Dame Giselle wins again, because I’ll probably mention something along the lines of “Hungry Heart needs 2000.”

Hilo (No.4, in Race 9 at Randwick, 5:20pm AEST

1200m BM88 Cerrone Handicap

Trainer: James Cummings, Hoop: James McDonald, 56.5kg

Yeah, bugger the Premiere Stakes, this is the dodgy Randwick sprint I want in on.

I find it strange that Godolphin, instantly recognisable for their royal blue, would name a horse Hilo, which is typically recognisable among milk types for having a green cap.

Surely a name like “Full Cream” would’ve been more appropriate.

The last at Randwick looks like it could, on paper, be decided between the Godolphin pair of Hilo and Athiri, who come in off very different form lines.

Athiri delivered a thumping win last start 3rd Up at the same Grade + Track & Distance, beating subsequent winner Prime Candidate, while Hilo resumed at Rosehill with the blinkers on, in a race that featured a certain Fituese, who was Crazy Colin’s Hucklebuck Tip Of The Day.

Anyway, Hilo settled last, only got out at the 200m, and in a driving finish, only just got nabbed by Fituese, who had stayed wide in clear air and got the job done.

Obviously the form from that race is questionable, considering he was also up against Masked Crusader, who is, as of last week, a complete and utter milk drinker.

Anyway, I’m of the belief that this could be one of those random 2nd favourite beats the favourite races.

The laws of universe dictate that this will happen in at least once race at every race meeting in Australia.

I have no proof of this, but I believe it.

Kalgoorlie – Kevin Bloody Wilson Country

Special Choice (No.3, Barrier 3) in Race 9 at Kalgoorlie, 5:25pm AWST

1200m Graduation Handicap

Trainer: Adam Durrant, Hoop: Clint ‘The Hyphenator’ Johnston-Porter, 58kg

Well, this is the one day of the year you’ll see the cerise and white going around in the Goldfields, and strangely enough, Mr Peters doesn’t have a runner in the Kalgoorlie Cup, nor did he have one in the Hannan’s yesterday, probably because all of his decent horses are either in Victoria, or they’re injured.

So it looks like a good race to end the Goldfields season – You’ve got the city slicker Special Choice who had a 1000m hitout at Belmont and comes in ready to rumble 2nd Up, Peter Fernie’s Manhattan Money has been in preparation since June, and yet, she’s run in the Top 2 in her last 7 starts for 4 wins, and the younger Fernie in Luke has Tajmali, who I have never paid attention to, even when she’s run in Perth.

Anyway, I think it’ll be between the 1 and the 3, and we won’t have to talk about Kalgoorlie until 2021, unless it pops up in the news when someone turns up outback drunk and naked on Forrest Street.

Crazy Craig’s Lucky Lips Tip Of The Day

Admire Robson (No.11, Barrier 4) E/W in the Bart Cummings, 3:05pm AEST

2510m Group 3 Handicap

Trainer: Paul Preusker, Jockey: Brett Prebble, 55kg

G’day knackers, it’s Crazy Craig Esquire, The Boy From Bairnsdale, very excited as the new month begins, and let me put this simply knackers…


Yeeeeeessssss, I’m turning Japanese on Turnbull Stakes Day, and I’m taking Admire Robson at 20-1, in the great race named after the man with the greatest set of eyebrows in Australian history.

THE BART CUMMINGS, with the winner getting an automatic Melbourne Cup spot.

I remember thinking that if Bart ever had a divorce and had to give away half his possessions, he’d still have more Melbourne Cups than anyone else!

On that note knackers, you’re probably wondering why I picked the expat Japanese runner, when you’ve got stayers with better runs on the board…

Well, all I can say is, how would I know, I’m a schizophrenic!

Oh wait, I remember now – Japanese horse on the firm ground and wide track… history shows they tend to love it.

What do I care if this ends horribly, my reputation’s already in the shit around town, so bugger it, let’s go down in a blaze of glory!

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me CRAAAAAAAAZY Craig!

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