Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 16th January

Oh ho ho it’s Magic….. Millions, you know, never believe it’s not so!

Well folks, after a boring arse Saturday last weekend, it’s time for the so-called highlight of the January racing calendar….

The $10m dollar Gold Coast Magic Millions meeting, completing a massive week where the likes of Sheikhs, millionaires, blue blood trainers and syndicates full of drunken yobbos from all four corners of the earth invest millions of dollarydoos on hundreds of yearlings, of which 90% turn out to be duds, 5% end up dominating country racecourses, and about 5% actually turn out to have decent careers.

I’d say that a layperson going to the Gold Coast sales is like your average idiot going to the cricket – They don’t actually go to watch the spectacle, they just go there to get pissed and have a laugh.

So on that note, of all the seven-figure races on the Glitter Strip, the highlight is usually the 2YO Classic, the very same race that Clan O’Sullivan romped in by 5 lengths in 1992, before he was knocked off by Burst in that year’s Golden Slipper, a race that led to my associate Crazy Craig describing him as having a “Heart as big as a pea!”

Other than that, there appears to be some kind of 1000m Listed race at Flemington, so my elderly friend The Gabster won’t be betting on it, and over here in Wait Awhile, it’s the Miss Andretti Stakes, named in recognition of one of the great Australian sprinters of the 21st Century.

True fact – Just under 14 years after her Kings Stand win, Miss Andretti still holds the 1000m record at Royal Ascot – 57.44 seconds.

Athiri (No.2, Barrier 5) in Race 5 at the Gold Coast, 2:35pm AEST (3:35)

1300m Magic Millions Fillies & Mares Handicap

Trainer: James Cummings, Hoop: Nash Rawiller, 57kg

Kicking off with the first of my Magic Millions prophecies that will inevitably turn out to be wrong, we have the one and only Greek white wine from the island of Rhodes, Athiri.

Apparently they don’t produce Athiri wines in the South West of WA…. I imagine the Italian wineries make sure of that.

Of course, this year’s Fillies & Mares race won’t feature 2018-19-20 race winner Invincibella, who was retired after completing the hat-trick last January, and it’s fair to say that bonny mare loved visiting Queensland more than a Victorian retiree, given she racked up those MM wins, back-to-back wins in the Group 2 Dane Ripper in 2018-19, and the 2019 Group 1 Tatt’s Tiara.

What a great career Invincibella had – Bought for $185,000 at the sales, and she ended up a Group 1 winner, racked up seven figures in earnings, and she’s now getting shagged by well-hung sires.

So this year it looks like Athiri will be the market elect in the ladies race, after winning in Sydney, then going up to Brisbane and delivering a deadset smashing in the Nudgee Stakes at Eagle Farm.

Now I could be wrong, but it appears the Nudgee Stakes was named after the character from Hey Dad.

Anyway, it looks like Athiri is the best wine in the race, and probably the horse in the race, and with the form Nash Rawiller has been riding in, he should be able to give her every possible hope of winning.

So don’t be surprised if Snapdancer wins.

Forbidden Love (No.12, Barrier 4) in Race 7 at the Gold Coast, 4pm AEST

1400m Restricted Listed Magic Millions 3YO Guineas

Trainers: Richard & Michael Freedman, Hoop: Gentleman Jim Byrne, 54.5kg

I have no idea why I’m picking against Away Game and Isotope, given they have the quality, but based on Isotope’s name, I reckon he’ll be on the move from Springfield to Albuquerque, and Away Game is aiming to become the first horse in human history to win the Magic Millions 2YO Classic and the 3YO Guineas, which obviously means she won’t win.

So that said, I’ll have a ping at the stumps Josh Hazlewood style and go for the Freedman brothers with Forbidden Love, who has some very understated formlines heading into the 3YO feature.

She won the Reginald Allen Quality on Everest Day at Randwick carrying 59 kilos, which ticks the 1400m box for Saturday, then she produced a huge run with the featherweight in the Group 1 WFA Empire Rose at Flemington on Derby Day, getting run down very late by Shout The Bar to finish 3rd by half a length, then after a freshen up, she went to Gosford for the Guineas ahead of going north, and despite never looking comfortable over 1200m on a Heavy bog, she still proved way too good, even after sitting 3-wide the trip.

It could be possible that she’s far better on a bog than a dry track, but honestly, compare that record to Away Game and Isotope, who have both never won over 7 furlongs.

Until tomorrow.


Private Eye (No.8, Barrier 4) in Race 9 at Rosehill, 6pm AEDT

1350m BM78 Rosehill Bowling Club Handicap

Trainer: Joe Pride, Hoop: Regan Bayliss, 56.5kg

From the newspaper that pioneered the phrase “Tired and emotional”

Funnily enough, Private Eye’s dam is ‘Confidential Queen’, which could explain the name.

Now, let’s look at ‘The Gabster’s Checklist’ to see if it’s a sound decision picking Private Eye:

  • Carries saddlecloth Number 8
  • Not a 1000m race
  • The race is not in Melbourne
  • The horse is not ridden by ‘The Thief’

Alright, count me in!

Piss Poor Perth Punting

After last Saturday’s meeting started so late it finished at 4:30 this afternoon, we’re straight on to the Miss Andretti Stakes, named after the deadset champion West Australian mare who delivered a ball-tearing in both hemispheres from 2006 to 2007, winning 5 Group 1s, simultaneously holding 5 track records, and earning Australian Champion Racehorse honours in 2007.

Another strange fact about Miss Andretti is that she won the 2007 Lightning Stakes at Moonee Valley, and the Newmarket Handicap at Caulfield rather than Flemington, as the Flemington track was being refurbished after the ’06 Cup Carnival.

Someone may want to tell UltraTune that the Flemington 1000m doesn’t have a bloody bend in it.

Naughty By Nature (No.6, Barrier 3) in Race 9 at Ascot, 5:50pm AWST (8:50)

1800m 72+ Rating Quayclean Handicap

Trainer: Jason Miller, Hoop: Clint ‘The Hyphenator’ Johnston-Porter, 56.5kg


Let me tell you, Hip Hop Hooray is something I won’t be singing after that luckless mare battles on to finish in the minor placings after getting caught behind a slow speed.

Still, it could be worse – She could end up being Aberdeen Queen getting stuffed behind runners every start.

Crazy Craig’s Lucky Lips Tip Of The Day

Fabergino (No.1, Barrier 6) in Race 7 at Flemington, 5:35pm AEDT

1000m Listed Kensington Stakes

Trainer: Tiarnna Robertson, Jockey: Jordan Childs, 60kg

Hello again readers, it’s Crazy Craig, The Boy From Bairnsdale, still trying to fulfill my New Years resolution of giving $1000 to a homeless person, but the only problem is I’ve only got $750 on hand!

All I can say is don’t worry knackers – After Crazy Colin’s beer repayment money (I think we’re up to $5255.41 with interest) comes good in November, I’ll make that resolution come true, and it’ll be worth the donation just to see the look on their faces!

So moving on to the Saturday races, because I’m still unable to sneak into Queensland in the back of a lorry with these border closures, I’ve just got to stick with punting at Flemington, and in a story that might crack The Age, I’m picking a mare I have a bit of history with!

You see, back when I first got called in to give my crazed thoughts on Australian racing in February of 2019, Fabergino was my Lay Of The Day, and guess what knackers, SHE BLOODY WELL WON!

Well, I figure I can complete this opposite set, where I pick Fabergino to WIN, but she LOSES, and a cracking race like the upcoming Kensington Stakes is the perfect chance!

Fabergino has taken a great liking to the Flemington 1000m, winning the Listed Bob Hoysted last summer with a typical dominant front running display, then last start a month back, she carried 61.5kg and proved to not have a heart the size of Clan O’Sullivan’s when she staved off Prezado!

She drops down to still carry the imposing 60kg, but when you look at who she’s up against, I don’t like the chances of Pandemic going back from 1200m to the 1000m, and Prezado is an utter FRAUD, as I proved when I made him my Lay Of The Day at The Valley in November, and he ran 3rd!

Actually, was that me, or was it Crazy Colin – I don’t remember, I am schizophrenic after all!

Anyway, Go Fabergino, run like buggery, because you’re MY PICK OF THE DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaaazy Craig!

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