Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 13th February

Here’s a rough look at how Victoria’s quarantine set-up is fairing

According to Dan Andrews, the virus is moving “at a velocity”, which could be anywhere from the speed of light to the speed of sound.

If you ask me, until we can compare the UK variant’s sectional times to that of Nature Strip or Bivouac, I remain unconvinced as to how fast it’s actually moving.

So on that note, as the ‘Dictator Dan’ jokes get rolled out again on Twitter and Victorians get stuck watching the TV for 5 days, it’s time for leg one of the Melbourne Autumn Sprinting treble, the time-honoured Group 1 Black Caviar Lightning at Flemington, won by many a speed freak, from the Black Flash herself (x3), Chautauqua, Takeover Target, Miss Andretti, Choisir, Fastnet Rock, Schillaci (x2) plus Placid Ark, with the latter two being the only horses in history to win the Lightning, Oakleigh and Newmarket in the same season.

The Lightning Stakes is also the kind of race that the Waterford TAB’s resident character The Gabster wouldn’t touch with a 50 foot pole, because it ticks off two big no-goes.

It’s a 1000m race, and it’s in Melbourne, but Damien Oliver (Known only as The Thief) doesn’t have a mount in the race, so old Gab will probably forget his rules and have a go at it, if he’s not telling everyone to go and get ‘effed’.

So as for a Lightning tip, I’m loathed to pick Bivouac considering his 1000m record isn’t great, and he tends to perform better 2nd Up than 1st Up, September Run is unproven at 1000m and Nature Strip is Nature Strip, so I’m dumb enough to suggest a horse like Swats That could run Top 3, which obviously means she’ll run 4th.

Looking at some other noteworthy races tomorrow, and Flemington also features the usual Australian Guineas form reference in the C.S Hayes Stakes, Randwick has the Group 2s in the Light Fingers and the Apollo Stakes, which has long been known as a source of pocket money for Chris Waller, and the Challenge Stakes at Ascot in the evening, which is called the Challenge Stakes because it’s a challenge to stay interested in it.

On another note, I did find it ironic that Sheikh Hamdam’s Shadwell Stud announced they were shutting down their Australian operations on the same weekend of the C.S Hayes, considering the great success the Hayes family delivered for Shadwell with the likes of At Talaq, Jeune, Fraar and Tawqeet winning Melbourne Cups and Caulfield Cups.

If they’d announced it last week, nobody would’ve batted an eyelid.

Ingratiating (No.1, Barrier 11) in Race 2 at Flemington, 12:55pm AEDT

1100m Listed 2YO Talindert Stakes

Trainer: James Cummings, Hoop: D.Oliver, 59kg

“The Liberal MP was very ingratiating to the lobbyists from the mining industry”

Does any other juvenile in this race have dominant Blue Diamond favourite Enthaar form?


Then it’s Ingratiating and ‘The Thief’ to gain Sheikh Mohammed and James Cummings’ approval.

Away Game (No.1, Barrier 6) in the Light Fingers Stakes at Randwick, 4:40pm AEDT

1200m 3YO Group 2 Fillies

Trainers: Ciaron Maher & David Eustace, Hoop: Hugh Bowman, 56kg

Why on earth would the Australian Turf Club name a Group 2 1200m race for 3YO Fillies after Light Fingers, who, while being a champion 3-year-old and a VRC Oaks winner, had her greatest victory over 2 miles in the 1965 Melbourne Cup, the first of 12 Melbourne Cup wins for one James Bartholomew Cummings.

If you ask me, the race is at least 6 furlongs short of where it should be, given Light Fingers’ achievements.

Anyway, as for my pick, with the amount of times she’s travelled interstate, every race is pretty much an away game for Away Game, so it’s quite appropriate that Hugh Bowman has to wear the white breaches, and quite frankly I like her to rebound from the 3rd at the Magic Millions and win again at Randwick, where she won the G2 Percy Sykes and the G3 Widden Stakes last autumn, which just happen to be her only runs at Randwick.

And who is she up against – Hungry Heart, a fair dinkum milk drinker who shirked every chance she had to win in the spring, Vangelic, your atypical Gai Waterhouse horse who leads and drops out, Every Rose, who proves that Every Rose has it’s thorn, and Thermosphere, which is apparently a thermometer that you stick in a sphere.

Subedar (No.8, Barrier 6) in Race 9 at Randwick, 6:15pm AEDT

1300m Benchmark 88 Ranvet Handicap

Trainer: James Cummings, Hoop: Hugh Bowman, 56.5kg

Subedar – It’s a Sidebar for people who can’t spell sidebar.

Western Empire (No.6, Barrier 2) in the Challenge Stakes at Ascot, 4:35pm AEDT

1500m Listed 3YO Set Weights + Penalties

Trainers: Grant & Alana Williams, Hoop: Chris Parnham, 55kg

Just to show you how highly regarded Western Empire is, to the point that he might feature in the Australian Guineas, he won his maiden at Bunbury on the 31st of January, no more than 90 minutes after Mark McGowan announced the 5-day lockdown.

Safely knowing he’d delivered in style, RWWA abandoned the meeting, sent everyone back up to Perth, and there weren’t any races in WA for the next 6 days.

Crazy Craig’s Lucky Lips Tip Of The Day (Sent at 3:20pm AEDT)

Coolth (No.8, Barrier 8) in Race 4 at Flemington, 2:05pm AEDT

2000m BM84 World Horse Racing Trophy

Trainers: Tony and Calvin McEvoy, Jockey: Jye McNeil, 54.5kg

G’day folks, it’s Crazy Craig, The Boy From Bairnsdale, and unfortunately, I suddenly developed another bad case of THE SHITS at lunchtime.



Actually, it’s like that every week, but let me tell you knackers, this once again shows you can’t trust Essendon supporting politicians – Just look at Peter Costello!

Anyway knackers, just like every tool in Victoria, I’ll be forced to watch the races from my couch, and as I try and kickstart another Lucky Lips streak, I’ve decided to settle on a horse at Headquarters with a questionable name…


It sounds like something a weatherman with a lisp would say!

“What’s the weather like in Bairnsdale tomorrow Crazy Craig?”

“It’ll be Coolth on Saturday!”

I tell you folks, I’m in stitches over the name, and I’m in stitches over his form, because the McEvoys stuck the blinkers on last start over the Flemington 2000m a month back, and wouldn’t you know it, he ran over the top of them and won, and he also beat a certain Takumi that Saturday, who went on to win last start at Caulfield and comes back here, which would suggest the form is holding up!

Anyway folks, have fun and stay safe, and Coolth is my PICK OF THE DAY.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaaaazy Craig!

Number 8, Barrier 8 – THE GABSTER SPECIAL from Crazy Craig.

1 reply »

  1. On Fri, 12 Feb 2021 at 8:53 pm, JT’s Sporting Reviews wrote:

    > JTithers posted: ” Here’s a rough look at how Victoria’s quarantine set-up > is fairing According to Dan Andrews, the virus is moving “at a velocity”, > which could be anywhere from the speed of light to the speed of sound. If > you ask me, until we can compare the UK ” >


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s