Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

JT’s Dartboard Pick For The Sydney Cup: THE CHOSEN ONE.

Hello everyone and welcome back for another week of inane commentary on the goings on of the Waterford TAB, and this week, my highlight was a discussion between my colleagues Mr Alfonse and The Gabster, in which The Gabster brought up the topic that his name (Gabriel) in Hebrew means “Hero of God” or “God is my strong man.”

I found that interesting, because based on our interactions with him, I thought Gabriel in Hebrew meant “Man who backs Number 8s and doesn’t bet in 1000 metre races.”

So on that note, among many boring races around the nation, it’s Day 2 of The Championships at Royal Randwick, with the second Group 1 fourpeat of the Australian Oaks, the Queen of the Turf, the Sydney Cup, and the feature fourth installment of Addeybb vs Verry Elleegant in the Queen Elizabeth Stakes, and you’d have to think the pair of them will clean out the small field Bonecrusher-Our Waverley Star style.

The other highlight of the day will probably be the Provincial Championships Final in Race 3, which should just be called The Hunter vs Kembla Grange, and the latest out of that is that we’re wondering why Great News was named Great News, because it’s BAD NEWS for the former favourite:

And, we’re all here to see if Crazy Craig can bring up the FOURPEAT of Each-Way place bets; Tricky Gal ran 2nd in the last on Golden Slipper Day, Impecunious (Who goes around in the Oaks tomorrow) ran 3rd in the Vinery Stud Stakes, and last week, Young Werther ran 2nd by a half-head to Ironbar Jack at $15/$4.20 in that thrilling finish to the Australian Derby, by far the closest the Each-Way pick has actually come to winning.

Still, if this were the old Chalk Eaters Guide, I’d be pissing myself with happiness at getting something home at $4.20.

So enough of my garbage, here’s the mysterious mental magician with his PICKS of The Day, to the tune of the one and only LUCKY LIPS!

Gemmahra (No.8, Barrier 4) in the Provincial Championships Final at Randwick, 12:40pm AEST

1400m Special Condition Set Weights

Trainer: Gwenda Markwell, Jockey: Glen Boss, 55.5kg

Ahoy there knackers, it’s Crazy Craig, The Boy From Bairnsdale, aiming to bring up my FOURTH consecutive Each-Way placing, and naturally I’m headed to Sin City again for another big Group 1 card at Randwick, and let me tell you, I’ve been landing Each-Way place bets like my mate Crazy Colin steals beers…

PRETTY BLOODY WELL!

So this week, my Each-Way play isn’t coming in any of the Group 1s at Royal Randwick, it’s coming early on in the Provincial Championships Final for the trainers who can’t afford to train in the Sydney metro area, and to be honest, I could easily pick the favourite Pandano, because he looks a class above with Great News scratched, but if you know me and I know me, that’s NOT HOW I OPERATE, KNACKERS!

WHY?

BECAUSE I’M A LUNATIC!

So, not bothering to look at the other runners in detail, I’ve settled on the Number 8 Gemmahra for Gwenda Markwell from The ‘Gong, who qualified for the final by winning the Hawkesbury qualifier in March, where she had to boot up and lead, and despite doing the donkey work, she just kept on kicking as a wall of horses gave chase!

Now you’re probably wondering how I reached Gemmahra, so I wrote these down:

1. I’m not all there, don’t you worry about that!
2. She’s drawn Barrier 4 compared to 14 for the qualifier, which means ‘Group 1’ Glen Boss can just sent her straight to the lead and make her own luck
3. She’s much better on dry ground, having had 9 runs for 4 wins, three seconds and a third placing – It’s currently a Good 4 in Sydney!
4. It’s a scientific fact that 75% of this field have hearts the size of Clan O’Sullivan’s – AS BIG AS A PEA.
5. Did I mention that I’m not all there?

Trust me on this – At some point my run’s going to an end, probably tomorrow for all I know, so for know I’m just going to stick my middle finger to the bookies and say that GEMMAHRA is my Each-Way PICK OF THE DAY.

Probabeel (No.1, Barrier 6) in the Group 1 Queen Of The Turf Stakes at Randwick (SR9), 4:30pm AEST

1600m Group 1 Fillies & Mares

Trainer: Jamie Richards, Jockey: Kerrin McEvoy, 57kg

Moving on to my major PICK OF THE DAY, and I’m prepared to sit and wait until late in the afternoon to see one of the better chances anywhere in Australasia in the Queen Of The Turf – PROBABEEL.

Now you’re probably sitting there looking at the form guide, which will show a big fat 0 next to the Kiwi mare for her most recent start, which was from a 12th placing in the All-Star Mile at Moonee Valley, but I’ll tell you something knackers…

Her All-Star Mile run was like Sir Joh’s run for Prime Minister – WE’LL FORGET IT EVER HAPPENED!

It PISSED DOWN with rain at The Valley that Saturday, and history shows Probabeel is a worse swimmer than Brian Jones, and she ran accordingly despite jumping the favourite, BUT, she has hit back with a trial win, and her record on dry tracks is sensational, the Sydney weather tomorrow looks pretty good, and we saw what she’s like on dry ground in her two prior starts at Caulfield in February!

She comfortably won the Bellmaine Stakes 1st Up in Australia, then she went even better and the Group 1 Futurity Stakes at Weight For Age, beating home Arcadia Queen, who was immediately retired due to suffering shellshock after being thrashed by the might of the New Zealander from New Zealand!

In all, Probabeel’s had 7 starts on dry tracks for 6 wins, she won the Epsom over the Randwick mile in the Spring, and if the weather stays consistent and the track is a Good 4 by the afternoon, well, you don’t need yours truly to tell you that Probabeel will Probabeely win!

As for the other camels, I couldn’t give a rat’s arse because they’re not worth my time, and unlike Probabeel, they’re not my PICK OF THE DAY.

As always, enjoy your weekend folks, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me CRAAAAAAZY CRAIG!