Based on a series of plausbile events in a regional Victorian town

Well friends, weirdos, strangers and friends, it’s time for Stakes Day and the inglorious end of the Melbourne Cup Carnival, and it appears we’re ending it in the most 2021 Victorian way possible – With a couple of COVID positives from Flemington on Cup Day.

Still, that’s not totally out of the blue with the state of the universe… Not like the TAB throwing a bucket of water on their servers on Stakes Day last year:

Those shifty bastards did everything they could to stop people truckloading Bivouac and Arcadia Queen.

So looking ahead to this year’s Stakes Day with the Group 1 double of the Darley Sprint Classic and the Mackinnon Stakes, and goodness gracious me, the field for the Darley is just Nature Strip and a caravan of camels, then you’ve got the old Derby Day favourite the Mackinnon, which is a bit more interesting, as Zaaki tries to get the consolation prize following missing the Cox Plate, while Godolphin are doing a rain dance for Colette as she tries to get 2 Group 1s in a week.

Elsewhere, Rosehill has the Golden Gift, which sounds like something the 3 Wise Men gave the baby Jesus for Christmas, plus the Group 2 Hot Danish, named after something that Miss Maud sells on their all day menu…..

And over in Wait Awhile, it’s the Group 2 Lee Steere Stakes, the biggest remaining leadup race to the Railway Stakes, although the Lee Steere isn’t even the biggest race in WA this week, which was the race to find Cleo Smith, won by the WA Police on Wednesday morning.

So on that note, it’s on to Crazy Craig for the last time this Spring, before he goes into hibernation for a month and comes back with a shot of Christmas cheer injected into his backside, and for goodness sake Craig, can you please pull your finger out and actually tip something that runs in the Top 3, because like Cliff Richard, you’ve got Lucky Lips!

Pick of the Day: Alcyone (No.6, Barrier 7) in Race 3 at Flemington (MR3), 1:55pm AEDT

2000m Very Special Kids Pin & Win BM80 Handicap

Trainer: James Cummings, Jockey: Hugh Bowman, 58.5kg

Hello hello everyone it’s Crazy Craig, TBFB, ready to finish off the Spring Carnival by pulling my finger out and backing a few winners, something I barely achieved on Tuesday, and where better to start with than a soggy Stakes Day at Flemington!

Now, apparently you may have heard or read that myself and Crazy Colin were planning on doing the Hucklebuck down at the shops if Incentivise didn’t win the Melbourne Cup….

Well, it’s not happening, and instead I may or may not have told Colin to get ****ed and stop taking my beer, because he bloody well stole 6 Carlton Draughts out of the esky on Cup Day, and when I asked him ‘Colin, why did you steal a sixpack without telling me?’, you know what he said?

‘I was thirsty!’

BULLCRAP!

So anyway, that’s enough of the life story, and it’s time to look at Race 3 on the Flemington card for my Pick of the Day, the Godolphin gelding Alcyone, who once finished 2nd behind Mr Brightside (Who ran a narrow 4th in a Group 1 last Saturday), and should’ve won last start at Caulfield, a line that has been uttered billions of times through history, after he copped a bit of a bum steer from D.Oliver in running 3rd after missing the boat on the turn, before he ran home in the fastest final furlong of the entire race!

Bloody jibbed he was!

Of course, Cummings and Oliver later had sustained success on the first 3 days of the Cup Carnival, headlined by an Empire Rose win + Ollie’s record-setting Oaks win yesterday, but now Ollie has to sit on the sidelines through suspension, so in comes Hugh Bowman via a parachute from Sydney to ride the gelding, whose most obvious rival will be Paul Preusker’s Vitruvius, who has 3kg on the favouite, but the big swing might come from the barriers!

Alcyone drew Barrier 6, which means he can potentially lob in the First 4 without doing too much work, while Vitruvius will probably have to go back from Barrier 15, which means he’s immediately spotting the leaders a start, and if he’s got a heart as big as a pea, he won’t be able to reel them in!

So there you go, folks, with a tad more luck in running, ALCYONE is my PICK OF THE DAY.

The random Bill Haley Pick: Rocha Clock (No.1, Barrier 6) in the Hot Danish Stakes at Rosehill (SR8), 5:25pm AEDT

1400m Group 2 Fillies & Mares Set Weights

Trainer: John O’Shea, Jockey: Tim Clark, 57kg

When the clock strikes two, three and four
If the band slows down we’ll yell for more
We’re gonna Rocha round the Clock tonight
We’re gonna Rocha, Rocha Rocha, ’til broad daylight
We’re gonna Rocha, gonna Rocha, around the Clock tonight!

Value Pick of the Day: Massimo (No.6, Barrier 6) in the Lee Steere Stakes at Ascot, 5:07pm AWST

1400m Group 2 WFA

Trainer: Chris & Michael Gangemi, Jockey: Clint Johnston-Porter, 59kg

Now for the Value Pick, and on the advice of my mate Mr Alfonse, I’ve gone all the way over to Ascot, and I had to ask my Spanish colleague where it was, and apparently the racecourse itself is still in bloody Belmont!

Why would you call it Ascot, and stick it in Belmont!

Surely you’d put Belmont Racecourse in BELMONT, and Ascot Racecourse in ASCOT!

No wonder you circus freaks never get your GST share!

So with the feature being a wide open, I figured I’d be the perfect chance to be a bit bold and go for some value, and after 20 minutes of consideration, I’ve settled on MASSIMO, formerly with Adam Durrant but now with the Gangemis, and just hearing that Italian surname makes me think of a jolly tenor singing about some woman in a language I don’t understand!

I believe the opening lyrics of the song translate to “I want to back Massimo, definitely not Valour Road, I never get the quaddie, because of some roughie!”

Now, where were we?

Ah yes, I’ve gone with Massimo after he finished 2nd in both his previous starts for the in-form Gangemi brothers, the most recent being the Northerly Stakes two weeks back at the same track & distance, in which he had a great ding dong battle with Dance Music all the way, but the mare got the gelding by a runny nose, and it should be noted they both led pretty much the entire race, which also contained Valour Road, Regal Power and Kay Cee, and they’re all here for the rematch!

Unless a crater opens up on the track halfway through the race, you’d expect Dance Music and Massimo will be up leading again in what should be a race with more speed than the 2006 West Coast Eagles, and to be honest, I can see the main danger to everyone being The Velvet King with the combination of his 1st Up + 1400m records, but despite the presence of a monarch, Massimo will be given every possible chance by Johnston-Porter, and if all goes well, he’ll be in the finish!

So to put the full stop on the story, MASSIMO is my value p(r)ick of the day.

Anyway friends, stay safe, keep your eyes on the road, don’t be a stranger, or throw your phone in the river, have a good weekend, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!

One final note: Apologies to all the owners of these three horses, who are now doomed to failure.