Oh yeah, one note before I really kick off – Dear Sky Racing, why the hell would you splitscreen the finish of a frikkin’ Listed race at Flemington alongside horses milling out the back before a shitheap maiden race at Inverell?

No wonder their presenters are leaving at a rate of knots when you’ve got pathetic, dickheaded decision making like that.

The fish rots from the head.

Now, where was I:

“What’s that Skip? You want to stuff up the Hanging Rock races?”

So that’s the New Years races done, and we now know that Pikey managed to conspire himself out of an easy 5-figures for the winning ride in a crap Perth Cup, so along came Pat Carbery to reap the rewards aboard Midnight Blue for the Williams + Bob Peters, which was Pat’s first Perth Cup win since 2001, and I can only think Midnight Blue relished not having to be saddled as the Random Lou Gramm Pick:

But if you ask me, we’ve got the highlight of the year already….

Australian racing’s greatest headcase in Kementari HAS WON AGAIN, AND HE’S OFF TO THE MAGIC MILLIONS!

Who knew Special K was a demon on Heavy tracks… He’d never bloody well raced on one until today, and he’s had 37 prior starts!

So that means the gelding has earned a spot in the Magic Millions Cup on the Gold Coast in a fortnight, creating this hilarious piece of trivia from his brief, memorable stint as a stallion:

I can only surmise that Kementari is just a deadbeat dad trying to get straight and see his kids again.

I can also surmise that Crazy Craig is some kind of an insane genius, because he just didn’t start the year with one collect….

HE HAD THREE.

AND TWO OF THEM WERE WINS.

What a day – The Random Elvis Presley Pick in Looks Like Elvis runs home for 2nd at 9-1, Tiger Heart swims home like Grant Hackett, and Chantorque ends the day’s racing at Ascot by sticking to Son Son like crap to a blanket and running over the top of him, which means we can start the year by PLAYING THE LUCKY LIPS VICTORY TUNE:

The Random Elvis Presley Pick: Looks Like Elvis in the Chester Manifold Stakes at Flemington = 2nd ($2.60p)

Looks Like Elvis appeared to have suspicious minds when he drifted back to last in the run, and I thought he was booking in to the Heartbreak Hotel, but once he was all shook up by Luke Currie in the straight, it was a case of a little less conversation and a little more action, as he put on his blue suede shoes, hooked wide and charged home to run 2nd.

Very good run, and there was no shame running 2nd to the clear favourite Crosshaven (Who made a Crazy Craig appearance a few weeks ago), the expat American who proved he was still way too good for the field, even after being held up in running.

Still, 2nd place ensures another return (to sender) for those who took the place or the each-way on Looks Like Elvis, so if you played your cards right, I say well done.

Value Pick: Tiger Heart in the Vo Rogue Plate at Doomben = WINNER ($4.80w/$1.65p)

First and foremost, I’d like to thank Brisbane’s typically psychotic summer weather, as a storm passed through the northern suburbs and downgraded Doomben from a Soft 5 to a Heavy 10, and I can only guess that quite a few punters saw Tiger Heart’s wet weather record (3:2-1) and decided to absolutely truckload him in from $9 to $4.80, although that was also assisted by the late scratching of Starman.

As it turned out, that massive influx of money for Tiger Heart was absolutely spot on, because with everyone fanning wide searching for the best part of the track, Ryan Maloney took the shortest way home after sitting just off the leaders, and while the favourite Shihonka was too busy enjoying a bumping duel out wide, the little Tiger just kept on swimming and put a gap job on everyone to win the Group 3 and win well.

Let me tell you, Crazy Craig’s Value Pick doesn’t actually win too often, but when it does, it’s a damn good win, and today was a good day for Tigers, because Tigertiger won the Listed Bagot Handicap at Flemington as well.

Say, Tigers winning big events in Brisbane and Melbourne… They’ve done a Richmond!

Pick of the Day: Chantorque in Race 10 at Ascot = WINNER ($4.20/$1.80)

No wonder Shaun McGruddy couldn’t wait to get back aboard Chantorque, because he rode her absolutely perfectly, and I reckon the duo had half the battle won at the jump when Chantorque settled directly behind Son Son (Who jumped her for favouritism), who managed to open up a lane at the top of the straight to start his run, and Chantorque followed right behind like a follower of Moses crossing the Red Sea, and in a straight shootout between the favourites, Chantorque spun the wheels and went home just that little bit better to end the card at Ascot in style.

It’s just like Crazy Craig said:

A torque wrench is something you use to tighten or take nuts off a car….

While a Chantorque is something you use to take money from bookies!