Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

The first Saturday of the new year sees the Group 2 Missile Stakes at Randwick, which will serve as a form guide for next to nothing because it’s the first weekend of August, not that I’ll be able to see it because I’ll be up in the stratosphere aboard a Qantas plane headed for Sydney, while my luggage is headed for Darwin.

So the big news story this week, aside from Racing NSW naming more races like Seinfeld episodes, and Michael ‘Cuzzy Bro’ Walker’s terrible fall during a Pakenham jumpout on Tuesday, 15 months after he tore his ACL at the same racecourse..

Group 1 winner Alligator Blood was banned from racing in Victoria by order of the Racing Victoria stewards, who declared that owner Allan Endresz breached AR36A(2)(c), which states that a person is “not permitted to hold an ownership or lease interest in a horse if the person is an undischarged bankrupt”, and Endresz was also in breach of AR36B, which states that an “ownership or lease interest in a horse is not permitted to be held in a trust where the persons having an interest in the horse, beneficial or otherwise, are not readily and accurately identifiable.”

Oddly enough though, the horses where he has minority ownership are allowed to race, but the horses with him as the majority owner (e.g Alligator Blood) aren’t allowed to race, so no doubt Allan has already found some kind of a loophole to wiggle through, which may be in the form of Living Legends.

So it’s on to the Picks, and after Crazy Colin’s boring month in the chair, Crazy Craig is back 1st Up after a stint in the spelling paddock, in which time he’s informed myself and my colleague Mr Alfonse that he loaded up and stuck $1500 on the Brisbane Lions to win the premiership when they were $8, which is now closer to $80 after they blew that 7 goal lead against Richmond…

He’s also claimed that he donated 45 scratchies to the down on their luck folk of Bairnsdale, so fair to say he’s got a full petrol tank worth of luck, and he bloody well better, because he’s got Lucky Lips!

Pick of the Day: Fire (No.10, Barrier 7) in Race 9 at Flemington (MR9), 5:05pm AEST

1100m BM84 Jockeys Celebration Day Sprint

Trainer: Hawkes & Sons, Jockey: Damien Thornton, 54kg

Hello hello friends and strangers it’s Craaaaazy Craig TBFB, and after a well-earned rest I’m back in the saddle for the Spring to win enough money to buy scratchies, and I bloody well need it, because the other week I spent $200 on scratchies and only got $16 back!

YA CAN’T BLOODY WIN!

Anyway, anyone who claims to know yours truly would regard me as a compulsive lunatic so I’ll keep trying to win anyway, and we’re on to the last race on the card at Headquarters to ease myself back into the fold, and I think, we think, that I think I can end the day with a Pick of the Day victory, in the form of….

FIRE.

Yep, it’s a good thing it’s not summer, because I’d be under arrest for being an arsonist!

Thankfully it’s just the horse Fire, who was a superb 1st Up winner at Sandown two weeks ago (As a 3-year-old) to make it 3 wins from 6 starts, and the only reason he didn’t win by more was that Jye McNeil eased him down with 75 metres to go!

IT WAS A 1000 METRE RACE!

Anyway, he comes off the back of that to the Flemington Straight, and while it is a decent jump from a Benchmark 70 to a BM84 on a Saturday, he drops 4.5kg, the middle gate gives Damien Thornton plenty of options, and obviously there’s plenty of dangers in this field, like Peter Moody’s grey mare Chain of Lightning, and Patrick Payne’s Squid Game, but you know what I say about them both?

HEARTS AS BIG AS PEAS, THE LOT OF THEM.

As The Saints once said, JUST LIKE FIRE WOULD I BURN UP, because FIRE is my PICK OF THE DAY!

Value Pick: Soffika (No.7, Barrier 5) E/W in Race 9 at Randwick (SR9), 4:15pm AEST

1600m NSW Jockeys Association Handicap

Trainer: Richard & Michael Freedman, Jockey: Tim Clark, 55kg

3rd Up, drops from 61kg down to 55kg, hit the line hard at Warwick Farm last start and-

Hang on, isn’t Soffika the capital of Bulgaria?

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!