Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

So the Spring is here, and the punters are jumping on OnlyFans by the thousands to see Libby Hopwood to give us a couple of tips, while she adorns some kind of coloured corset or bra.

Crazy Craig would do the same thing, but he can’t remember where he left his pants.

As for the on-track action, this weekend marks the running of the Feehan Stakes at Moonee Valley, and in some mind-boggling scenes, there’s only 6 entrants for a race that carries a golden ticket into the Cox Plate, although I would note that back in 2001, there were 8 runners in the Feehan, but there may as well have only been 2 runners, because Northerly and Sunline spaced everyone:

If anything, the bigger question for Moonee Valley should be who the hell put the Feehan on for Race 4 of the day, when it’s allegedly the feature race of the entire 9-race card.

In fact, even the Group 2 McKewen isn’t in the quaddie legs… What are those bloody Mexicans doing.

Looking at some of the other action, Randwick has a host of Group 2s in the Chelmsford, Tramway and Furious Stakes, plus the Group 3 Concorde featuring Eduardo and a bunch of other Everest hopefuls…

And other than that, the Birdsville races would’ve started today, but somehow the Birdsville locals experienced something they’ve never experienced before…

RAINFALL.

Oh well, at least the grass will finally grow back.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and after weeks of nothingness, our resident lunatic made a bold move putting I’m Thunderstruck as his Pick of the Day in the Memsie at 10/1, and to my astonishment it very nearly came off as the gelding flashed home to run 2nd by a head to Snapdancer, which means that despite some good place returns he still can’t find a winner, even though he claims to have a set of LUCKY LIPS:

Pick of the Day: Coolangatta (No.7, Barrier 5) in the McKewen Stakes at Moonee Valley (MR5), 2:55pm AEST

1000m Group 2 SWFA

Trainers: Ciaron Maher & David Eustace, Jockey: Jamie Kah, 50kg

Hello hello everyone, it’s Craaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and after last week’s mega place bet results, I used my winnings to go to the newsagent and buy $200 worth of scratchies, and as always, I told old mate at the newsagent to leave them all there, and give them to a bunch of punters walking in that looked down on their luck!

I figure that’s going to put me back in the good books for this weekend as I search for that elusive winner, and at the last meeting at The Valley a few weeks back, I made the mistake of picking the favourite as my Pick of the Day in a small field and watched as it did what the French would call ‘Jacques Merde’, and do you think I’d try and repeat the same mistake?

YES, I ABSOLUTELY WOULD, BECAUSE I’M CRAAAAAAZY!

I’ve taken one look at the McKewen field and gone straight to the light weight filly Coolangatta against the older horses, a result that should be set up with a predicted fast tempo, and all Jamie Kah has to do is sit off the leaders and charge over the top of them!

And if she does win, I’ll be demanding they rename Coolangatta to COOLANGATTA GOLD for no reason at all, besides the fact that she’s my PICK OF THE DAY.

The Richie Pick: Benaud (No.14, Barrier 7) E/W in the Chelmsford Stakes at Randwick (SR8), 3:55pm AEST

1600m Group 2 WFA

Trainer: John O’Shea, Jockey: William Pike, 58.5kg

Finished 6th beaten only 2.6L in the Winx Stakes, 2nd Up now, by Reliable Man out of Baggy Green… What a marvellous name that is:

Let me say knackers, I sent a note to Crazy Colin that I was including Benaud in my selections for this week, and when he saw the numbers, this was his only reply to me:

“Why couldn’t they have given Benaud saddlecloth Twenty-Chew?”

And my second Value Pick is a horse that was probably named after the great town of Bairnsdale…

Unusual Culture (No.15, Barrier 2) E/W in Race 9 at Moonee Valley (MR9), 5:25pm AEST

1600m BM78 PFD Food Services Handicap

Trainers: Ciaron Maher & David Eustace, Jockey: Jye McNeil, 54kg

On that note knackers, I’ve got a joke for ya to end the tips…

What’s the difference between Bairnsdale and a tub of yogurt?

Yogurt has an active culture!

Enjoy your Saturday folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!