Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

And so this is Christmas, and what have you done…

Besides absolutely nothing at all.

Yes, as we recover from that stunning twist of fate with the upheld whip protest at Flemington last Saturday, it’s time for the great occasion known as Christmas Eve, and for the last two years we’ve had to organise picks for Boxing Day as the major race meeting of Christmastime, but this time around it’s the deathly double of Christmas Eve + Boxing Day, although I think in this case we’ll have to cut off the nose to spite the face and stick to one day…

So, as we wait ahead to the Nhill Cup on Boxing Day, the main highlights of Christmas Eve racing are the BJ McLachlan Bernborough Plate at Doomben, named in recognition of the legend of Toowoomba who won the 1946 Doomben Cup carrying what would now be called 68kg, ahead of the Boxing Day races at Sandown, Moonee Valley has a race meeting where everything at the Valley is sponsored by Sweeney Estate Agents, all the way down to the urinals signed by Marcel Duchamp, Randwick is waiting for Boxing Day and the Group 3 Summer Cup, while the only interesting race of the weekend in Perth is the ATA Stakes at Ascot, with just 1 week to go until the Perth Cup on New Year’s Day.

Now, after an enforced late withdrawal last week, it’s time for Crazy Christmas Craig, and he’s requested a Christmas song to really get everyone revved up and ready to ride home a winner, so we’ve gone for the original and the best Christmas-themed pop song…

SO HERE IT IS, MERRY XMAS EVERYONE BY SLADE!

The Argentina Omen Bet: Riverplate (No.5, Barrier 3) in Race 7 at Moonee Valley (MR7), 4:20pm AEDT

1600m BM70 Sweeney Estate Agents Sunshine Handicap

Trainers: Trent Busuttin and Natalie Young, Jockey: Daniel Moor Moor Moor, How Do You Like It, 59kg

Ho ho ho ho everyone, it’s CRAAAAZY CRAIG CLAUS, the Yuletide Boy From Bairnsdale, so here it is, Merry Christmas, everybody’s having fun, look to the future now, it’s only just begun!

Now, you’re probably wondering ‘Crazy Craig, where the **** where ya last week mate!’, well, for the last 8 days I’ve been going around Bairnsdale in a red and white suit, looking at people who look down on their luck, and I’ve followed them home, climbed down their chimneys, and given them a scratchie!

But, Crazy Craig, why would you do all that just to give them a scratchie?

Because the look on their face is worth the cost of the ticket!

Yes, unfortunately that means I’m also subject to more police complaints than Crazy Colin after he drank those beers in the bottle shop, so I’ve got to find myself something else to do this weekend, and so I’ve got to find a couple of winners, which I’ve struggled with tremendously of late owing to my lack of karma from scratchie donations…

Now, of course the big story of the week is that Argentina are FIFA World Cup Champions for the first time since 1986, making them football world champions of every part of the world except the Falkland Islands, and I think we could have ourselves an omen bet in Race 7, where the favourite is a certain horse named Riverplate.

Now knackers, I say it’s an omen bet relating to Argentina, because if you know your world club football, there’s a certain club in Buenos Aries who just happen to be one of the most famous football clubs in Argentina, and indeed South America, and do you know what their name is?

RIVER PLATE.

While the country in which we find the River Plate go bananas for the next 4 years, Riverplate has a major question to answer, and that’s can he actually run a decent 1600m, because his previous 2 attempts were shithouse.

But, were any of those runs before Argentina won the World Cup Final?

NO.

So there you go, Riverplate is my OMEN PICK OF THE DAY.

Value Pick: Just A Jedi (No.4, Barrier 2) E/W in Race 6 at Randwick (SR6), 3:20pm AEDT

2400m BM78 Precise Air Handicap

Trainers: Gerald Ryan and Sterling Alexiou, Jockey: Dylan Gibbons (a2), 56.5kg

On to the Value Pick, and I think the force is going to be with us in Race 6 at Woyal Wandwick, because Just A Jedi had the Force on his side when he came over the top to defeat Tudor Prince at Warwick Farm, and I think he can easily go on and avoid crossing to the Dark Side on Saturday….

If he runs in the Top 3, I’ll say this:

And if he doesn’t win, then I’ll be saying this!

JUST A JEDI, MY VALUE PICK OF THE DAY, AND REMEMBER, AS YODA WOULD SAY:

The Mike Tyson Pick: Coolth (No.8, Barrier 6) in the A.T.A Stakes at Ascot (PR8), 3:04pm AWST

2200m Listed Handicap

Trainers: Tony & Calvin McEvoy, Jockey: Steven Parnham, 56kg

“Hey Iron Mike, I’ve seen a horse at 5/1 in the ATA Stakes, I’m going to back it for us!”

“Coolth man!”

Have a good Christmas and Boxing Day everyone, stay safe, keep your eyes on the road, don’t be a stranger or throw your phone in the river, wear a mask, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!