Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well strangers, it’s the last weekend of the shortest month of the year, and we’ve got the first Super Saturday of 2022, with the complete list of 5 Group 1s across Sandown and Randwick:

1. The Futurity Stakes over 1400m WFA at Sandown, with plenty of the leading chances for the All-Star Mile ahead of the close of voting this weekend
2. The Oakleigh Plate, the second leg of the Autumn Sprinting Treble
3. The feature Blue Diamond Stakes, where the winner will have no impact on the Golden Slipper
4. The Surround Stakes at Randwick for the 3YO Fillies, the Group 1 that isn’t really a Group 1.
5. The Chipping Norton Stakes, which used to be at Warwick Farm until the ATC gave them the finger

Plus many other races, some of them black type, that will turn out to be more entertaining to watch than most of those Group 1s.

Other unexciting events for the day include a Country Championship qualifier at Albury, the Group 3 Lord Reims Stakes at Morphetville, named after the 3-time Adelaide Cup winner and 1987 Caulfield Cup winner, and a couple of listed races at Ascot, the Ascot 1000 Guineas, the Lex Piper Stakes, and the Detonator Stakes.

A bit strange that they’d call it the Ascot 1000 Guineas, considering Ascot is actually in Belmont.

Recovering from the fact, we’d best head on to Crazy Craig, and if you’d like context on how shit he’s been going of late, with various cases of rancid luck every week, the last time Crazy Craig picked a winner, the Perth Scorchers had only won 4 Big Bash titles.

It’s been a while, so let’s hope he gets lucky, just like Elvis Presley:

Hello hello everyone it’s Crazy Crazy Crazy Craig, TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and people ask me ‘Crazy Craig, how can you even sleep at night knowing you consistently give people shit tips?’

Well, the answer is I don’t really sleep, because I’m an absolute lunatic!

Anyway, to give you my Pick of the Day, I’ve got a Craaaaazy Riddle, because you won’t be able to SEE my Pick of the Day, but let’s just say it will be done….

IN SECRET.

Race 7 Randwick, No.1 In Secret.

P(r)ick No.2: Ausbred Rising Sun (No.8, Barrier 5) E/W in the Autumn Classic at Sandown (MR5), 3pm AEDT

1800m Group 2 3-year-old Set Weights

Trainer: Brad Widdup, Jockey: Craig Williams, 57kg

Oh mother, tell your children
Not to do what I have done!
Spend your lives in sin and misery
Backing Ausbred Rising Sun!

P(r)ick No.3: No Apology (No.5, Barrier 1) E/W in Race 8 at Ascot (PR8), 4:55pm AWST

1800m Listed Detonator Stakes

Trainer: Stephen Miller, Jockey: Lucy Warwick, 56.5kg

Time for Pick No.3, all the way over at sunny BELMONT, and I like No Apology running 3rd Up at the value odds of 9/1, and when I like something at value, that usually means it’s going to run like a crab!

Anyway, if it does run like a crab, I’ll do a Nirvana and say All Apologies for No Apology!

Enjoy your weekend folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!