Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Well friends after the betting carnage on Caulfield Cup Day, after 104 years we have the weird sensation of a Cox Plate away from Moonee Valley as Flemington gets the gig for one year only due to the rebuild of The Valley, which almost feels sacrilege and leaves me wondering what the hell the Flemington track will look like come Stakes Day in a fortnight with an extra meeting before the Cup Carnival…

A funny history lesson about this year’s relocation is that the last time (And only time until today) that any of the Grand Slam races (Melbourne Cup, Caulfield Cup, Cox Plate and Golden Slipper) were moved from their traditional homes was when the 1943 Caulfield Cup was run at Flemington and run in divisions, due to the army occupying Caulfield Racecourse during the Second World War.

Further to it, the Melbourne Cup has been held at Flemington every year since first running in 1860, the Golden Slipper has always been run at Rosehill (Since 1957), the Caulfield Cup bar one year has been at The Heath since 1879, and now after first being run in 1922, the Cox Plate is not at Moonee Valley.

Continuing the history lessons, this year’s Cox Plate marks a major anniversary of 40 years since the 1986 Race of the Century between Bonecrusher and Our Waverley Star, a Cox Plate remembered among many things for the domination of the New Zealanders (The Filbert ran 3rd to complete a Kiwi trifecta), the greatest two-horse race ever seen in Australia as the two favourites bolted at the 800m and wouldn’t give an inch until the post, and Bill Collins delivering one of the great calls, complete with the line of Bonecrusher racing into equine immortality:

Interesting fact about that Cox Plate – TJ Smith, Colin Hayes and Bart Cummings didn’t have any runners, strange in Hayes’ case because At Talaq won the Mackinnon Stakes and Melbourne Cup within the next 10 days after the race, while Bart was going through his near financial disaster, and after Red Anchor’s win in 1984, TJ wouldn’t have another Cox Plate runner until Stargazer in 1991, his last runner before Gai Waterhouse inherited Tulloch Lodge.

Of course, this year’s race will see a few more attempts at history, Chris Waller attempts to equal TJ’s record of 7 Cox Plate winners, James McDonald on Aeliana attempts to win his fifth consecutive Cox Plate and become the first jockey to win the race 5 times, which would break a tie with Hugh Bowman and Brent Thompson, and Gai will have another crack at her long awaited Cox Plate win with Sir Delius, which would be the first Cox Plate win for a female trainer since Moira Murdoch won with Solvit in 1994, the only other being Deirdre Stein with Rising Prince in 1985.

Anyway, other forgettable races include the Group 2 McKewen Stakes, the Moonee Valley Vase for the Oaks runners, the Moonee Valley Gold Cup, which has only ever produced one Melbourne Cup winner in 143 years (Kingston Rule in 1990), and based on this year’s field it’ll be once in 144 years in 2027, the Group 1 Spring Champion Stakes + Group 2 Craven Plate and Invitation at Randwick, and apparently Craven Mild do not sponsor the Craven Plate, while turnover at Ascot will be significantly down as William Pike is riding Cosmic Crusader in the Cox Plate, so change your Saturday night plans to Scrabble and Monopoly.

Anyway it’s on to Crazy Craig and an appearance from Cliff Richard, and after that you can toss a coin to see if he’ll actually land anything this week:

P(r)ick No.1: Buckaroo (No.6, Barrier 4) in Race 6 at Flemington (MR6), 3:40pm AEDT

1600m Group 2 SWP Kia Ora Stud Mile

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: James McDonald, 57kg

Well hello kids it’s Craaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, and I tell you what knackers I still can’t bloody believe that Flemington of all places is hosting the Cox Plate…

What’s next, the AFL Grand Final being held in BRISBANE?

Or PERTH?

The Melbourne Cup at RANDWICK!

I tell you, this all reminds me of when they ran the Bahrain Grand Prix in Malaysia a few weeks ago…

These bloody Emperors HAVE NO CLOTHES!

Anyway, thankfully it’s under a year to go until Death Valley is back up and running and pissing everyone off with leader biased racetracks, so in the meantime I’ll pick a runner out at random, and of course all the eyes will be on Waller and McDonald trying to claim even more history for themselves, and instead of going for the Cox Plate straight off the bat, it’s dear little Buckaroo, back in trip and grade after drowning in the Turnbull Stakes, so as they say in the classics..

BUCKLE UP, BUCKAROO!

The John Lennon Value P(r)ick: Mindgames (No.7, Barrier 1) E/W in the Spring Champion Stakes (SR7), 4pm AEDT

2000m 3YO SW Group 1 Moet & Chandon Spring Champion Stakes

Trainers: John O’Shea & Tom Charlton, Jockey: Tim Clark, 56.5kg

Going from a Benchmark 64 at Newcastle in which he got horridly held up and recovered to storm home to finish 2nd while the winner Varjak sailed home with momentum, all the way up to a Group 1 at Randwick against a boatload of runners with exposed 3YO Group form…

You know what that form says to me?

PLACE BET.

And now, here’s John Lennon to tell you that we’re playing those Mind Games together!

CRAZY CRAPPY COX PLATE CONUNDRUM

Cox Plate: Warwoven (No.11, Barrier 2) E/W… no 3-year-old has won the Cox Plate since Shamus Award in 2013, and the only other 3-year-old winners in the 21st Century are a freak of nature called So You Think (2009) and Savabeel (2004)… Warwoven has the talent and the weight relief, anything’s possible.

Enjoy your SATURDAY folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!