Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 14th September

Taylor Swift is performing at the Melbourne Cup…. next thing you know Sarah Jessica Parker will be running in a support race.

Gav Carmody listens in as Big Gaz lines up another bloody funny market order Quaddie

Of course, as Tay Tay comes to Flemington in November, this Saturday is ‘Ride Like A Girl Day’, in honour of the recent release of the film, which is apparently as accurate as possible, so expect to see plenty of scenes featuring Darren Weir milkshaking his runners.

And of course, the marathon is set to begin- FOR THE NEXT 6, 7 OR MAYBE 8 WEEKS ON END, THERE’S SO MUCH GROUP 1 RACING, YOU’LL PROBABLY DIE FROM AN OVERDOSE.

The Makybe Diva Stakes at Flemington is the big race of the day, plus there’s the Danehill and the Bobby Lewis, the start of the ‘Golden’ Carnival at Rosehill with the Run To The Rose, the Theo Marks (Featuring Arcadia Queen) and the Sheraco, and then there’s the boring stuff, like the Cairns Amateurs and the Carnarvon Cup.


King of Leogrance (No.7, Barrier 9) in Race 1 at Flemington, 12:30pm AEST

2500m Quality ‘Very Special Kids Pin and Win Plate’

Trainer: Liam Howley Lloyd Williams, Hoop: Damien Oliver, 54kg

In the opening race on Makybe Diva day, we’ve got a staying race full of third rate imports from Europe or New Zealand, most them belonging to the man who resides in Crazy Craig’s part of the world, Lloyd Williams.

I’m not kidding- There’s only one horse bred in Australia in the race- Another Coldie.

Kind of sums up how much we don’t give a shit about breeding stayers anymore.

Normally I’d stay out of a boat race like this, but for some reason, I’m going with the nag who apparently rules something called ‘Leogrance’.

Is that where Leonardo DiCaprio resides?

The expat Frenchman has raced twice in Australia, running 3rd at the Caulfield mile, before stepping up to the 2040m at Moonee Valley and running 3rd again, and now, Ollie stays aboard, and he’s stripped down and ready to rumble at the staying distance, the very same distance he won last year’s Prix Vulcain at in Deauville.

But of course, Lloyd is a great punter’s pal, so just watch one his other boring European imports win and have things making absolutely no sense.


Mystic Journey (No.13, Barrier 10) in Race 7 at Flemington, 4:10pm AEST

1600m WFA Group 1 Makybe Diva Stakes

Trainer: Adam Trinder, Hoop: Anthony Darmanin, 56.5kg

A race named after our greatest stayer in living memory… and we run it at the mile.

Yep, if there’s one thing we don’t remember Makybe Diva for, it’s winning at the mile, having won just once over the mile in her career…. Which funnily enough, was her maiden at Wangaratta.

We can’t say the same about Mystic Journey, because she will be remembered for her deeds at the mile, which in all likelihood, will include a win tomorrow.

So there’s my reason for picking Mystic Journey- It’s Mystic Journey.


Demerara (No.11, Barrier 5) in Race 8 at Flemington, 4:50pm AEST

1200m Group 2 Bobbie Lewis Quality

Trainer: James Cummings, Hoop: Craig Williams, 53kg

Only two jockeys have won 4 Melbourne Cups.

‘Handbrake’ Harry White is one, and Bobbie Lewis is the other.

Amazingly, Bobbie was riding winners until he retired aged 60 in 1938, right around the same time Danny Miller and Robert Thompson started their careers.

Of course, Craig Williams hasn’t yet won a Melbourne Cup, having managed to piss away his best chance ever by getting suspended at Bendigo in 2011.

He was only riding Dunaden.

As for the race the VRC named after Bob, would you look at that, I’ve gone for value, which is defined by this guide as a $5.50 favourite.

The reason I’ve somehow ended up with Demerera in a pretty even field (Like the straight lover Malibu Style) is for two main reasons- She trialled very nicely (1st and 2nd in 2 trials), she gets in low in the weights, and her 1st Up is, as Ken Callander would say, Shuper.

6 starts 1st Up… for 5 wins.

She also has a win up the straight, as an Autumn 3YO in 2018.

She was also nominated for the Sheraco in Sydney, but the directive from Sheikh Mohammed from his palace in the Gulf was to head straight for the Straight Six, where her winning chances are looking much better, now that I Am Excited is out.

Apparently, that’s good enough for me.


God Of Thunder (No.14, Barrier 8) in Race 9 at Rosehill, 5:10pm AEST

1100m Benchmark 88 Handicap

Trainer(s), Team Hawkes, Hoop: Brenton Avdulla, 53.5kg

Great to see a horse named after Chris Hemsworth, the second-most well known Footscray fan in the world, just behind Big Merv Hughes.

Could’ve used him against the Giants.

God Of Thunder was superb in the last meeting at Rosehill at the end of August, winning running away by 2 lengths on an absolute quagmire, in what was my favourite performance by a God of Thunder since Avengers Endgame.

He was listed as the 1st Emergency, but with Miss Fabulass and Sharpe Hussler both being scratched, he is absolutely in, assuming Johnny Hawkes doesn’t do something weird.

Of course, he’s now 2/2 at the Rosehill 1100, he goes down in the weights again, but of course, the flip side is the decent jump from 78 grade to 88.

Can he do it again?

I’d bloody well hope so, or else I’m going to look like a cabbage.


Crazy Craig’s Tip Of The Day


LAYING Castlevecchio (No.1, Barrier 9) in Race 5 at Rosehill, 2:35pm AWST

1500m 3YO Listed Dulcify Stakes

Trainer: Richard Litt, Jockey: Jay Ford, 57kg

How’s it hanging young boys and girls, it’s your weird mate Crazy Craig, out here in Boring Old Bairnsdale, and just last night, I had a chat with my mate Crazy Colin, and he suggested I go after a horse I’ve backed to WIN before, Castlevecchio!

How crazy is that!

So, I sat down in my hovel last night with my thought pipe in my hand, and read the form for the Dulcify (And what a beast he was), and not only does 1st Up with 57 kilos concern me, there’s an even bigger problem to me, one bigger than trying to swap a urine sample with Gatorade with a drug tester watching on….

Joshy Parr isn’t aboard!

Unless he changed his name to Jay Ford without me knowing, that’s a big risk, because it turns out Joshy is booked aboard Shadow Hero!

What the hell are you doing Josh!

As a result, without the old mates combining, I can’t see Castlevecchio doing much tomorrow, especially giving the field a start on a good Rosehill track, and so as a result, CASTLEVECCHIO is my LAY. OF. THE. DAY….. OF THE WEEK.

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaaazy Craig!

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