Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 23rd May

Now up to No.31 on Australian racing’s favourite backing guides

Ah, Birdsville – Still more hospitable than Caboolture.

This week in ‘Punting Horror Stories’….

A bunch of tradies on their lunch break cost Munsa Magic a win at Port Macquarie on Tuesday, when the horse apparently shit himself at the sight of hi-vis, nearly unseating Kirk Matheson, and causing him to get rolled in a photo.

Once again, tradies cop the blame.

Then, some poor bugger had $10 on hot pot Amiche winning Race 5 at the Sunny Coast on Wednesday by at least 10L.

It was paying $151…

He officially won by 9.5L.

Looking to Saturday, and it’s the G2 Victory Stakes at Eagle Farm, the unofficial start of the Brisbane Winter Carnival, which now looks like a KFC drumstick with the skin scraped off.

IT’S THE BEST PART, DAMMIT.

There’s also the Living Legends races (Now minus Might and Power) and the time-honoured running of the Straight Six at Flemington, and other than that, it looks like a genuinely boring winter Saturday card.

It’s the kind of day that might make you glad the rugbaleeg will be back next weekend.


Overlord (No.7, Barrier 5) in Race 1 at Randwick, 11:30am AEST

1300m Darley 2YO Handicap

Trainer: Chris Waller, Hoop: Hugh Bowman, 56kg

The law of averages suggests that after finished 3rd followed by 2nd in his first 2 starts, Overlord would be turning the tables on Peltzer and breaking his maiden tomorrow.

With the recent downpour making a wet track at Randwick a mathematical certainty, it’s worth noting that Overlord is by the late Golden Slipper winner Sebring and ace mare Red Tracer.

I believe there is a line from Cosmo Kramer that could describe that breeding.

Although, I was on the phone to my very willing associate The Cheetah from Coolangatta, who said his mate was on the phone to Chris Waller, and Chris said:

“Can’t win.”

He was probably talking about some other horse, because I’ll take Overlord… Before realising my mistake of betting in a 2-year-old race.


Milwaukee (No.7, Barrier 11) in Race 7 at Flemington, 2:45pm AEST

1200m The Straight Six (Listed Handicap)

Trainer: Mike Moroney, Hoop: Jye McNeil, 57kg

Another highly competitive edition of the Straight Six, evidenced by the rank outsider Holbein currently sitting at ‘only’ $31.

As Alice Cooper told Wayne and Garth in 1992, Milwaukee is actually pronounced ‘Mill-e-wah-que’, which is Algonquin for ‘The Good Land’, which is now apparently only half-correct.

Man, does that guy know how to party or what.

While Milwaukee is renowned for electing 3 socialist mayors, Milwaukee is renowned for his love of straight racing, where he always seems to be around the mark, evidenced by his record of 7:3-2-1 on the Flemington Straight Six.

Another case of horses for courses I suppose – Especially when you look at that Caulfield run 6 weeks ago, which is lucky to be even described as an effort.

Mike Moroney’s gelding is rock hard fit and fourth-up tomorrow, although there is the unanswered question of handling the one-week backup from his 1000m performance, where he went to the inside and briefly grabbed the front, before just being edged out by Prezado on the other swoopers on the outside to run 3rd.

Now back up his preferred Straight Six, and getting an outside draw unlike last week, I expect Mill-e-wah-que to run another drum.


Kinane (No.5, Barrier 17) in the Gunsynd Classic at Eagle Farm, 2:55pm AEST

1800m Group 3 3YO Set Weights

Trainer: Chris Waller, Hoop: Ryan Maloney, 57kg

Just highlighting how beloved the Goondiwindi Grey was to everyone, Gunsynd was named a Queensland Icon in 2009 (Despite not being a homo sapien) and not only did he get a statue on the main road of Goondiwindi, the great Tex ‘Not Slim Dusty’ Morton wrote a song about him.

That great tribute got to No.5 in June of 1973, and you’ll also notice that Gary Glitter was at No.15 with ‘Do You Want To Touch Me’, a question that he apparently pressured quite a few people into saying ‘Yeah’ to.

On the back of his enormous Frank Packer victory, Kinane’s owners knocked back a very big offer to send him to Hong Kong, and they also rejected the option of going to Adelaide and competing in the SA Derby against Russian Camelot, who would’ve beaten him six ways from Sunday.

Instead, they’ve decided to bully the Banana Benders, and despite the anxiously wide draw (Which is a genuine worry), the drop from 2000 to 1800 and being poisonously short odds, Kinane appears to be the standout pick, although I did notice some interesting form analysis from Giddy-Up on TABTouch:

A “Good Each Way Bet”, DESPITE BEING RATED AT $2.30 AND CURRENTLY SHOWING $1.90/$1.22.

Actually, that fits perfectly with my tipping strategies, so count me in!


Token BELMONT Tip


Sliced Bread (No.3, Barrier 9) EACHWAY in Race 9, 4:50pm AWST

1600m Iron Jack Handicap (66+ Rating)

Trainer: Dion Luciani, Hoop: Chris Parnham, 59kg

Welcome to Perth, where Ascot is in Belmont, and Belmont is in Burswood.

Google Maps can back me up on that one.

In order to give the William Pike jokes a rest for a week, I’ve gone to the last (As per usual), completely ignoring Power Of St George in the Provincial Championship Final, and and in a very competitive field, I’ve done a thorough lack of analysis and picked Sliced Bread, the greatest thing since since…..

Well, sliced bread.

I assume this is what life was like around the time Otto Frederick Rohwedder finally invented a bread slicing machine in 1928:

“Let’s sell loaves of bread.”

“Let’s sell knives for people to cut the bread.”

Mr Rohwedder:

And thus, the phrase ‘Greatest thing since sliced bread’ was thrust into the English lexicon.

The market suggests this will be another competitive race, and Sliced Bread is the leading fancy at $5/$2, which is absolutely perfect range for me to act like an old-fashioned yellowbelly and go the Chalk Eater Each-Way play.

Sliced Bread’s last performance (And his prep by large) was more than enough to suggest he can run a place here, running 2nd to Moschard in a blanket finish in a 72+ race at Ascot, as Festival Miss flew home down the outside, which was enough to tease unwitting punters into backing her against Laverrod.

Yeah, wonder who they were…

He has also won twice from 3 starts at the mile (Meatloaf would say that ain’t bad), and, assuming he can get a spot in running without much trouble, he’s got every hope of making it 3 out of 4.


Crazy Craig’s Tip of the Day

Today’s musical hint: I can cheat you blind


LAYING Thy Kingdom Come (No.10, Barrier 5) in Race 2 at Eagle Farm, 11:50am AEST

1400m Class 6 Plate (Set Weights)

Trainer: John Thompson, Jockey: Ryan Maloney, 57kg

Glory be friends, it’s Crazy Craig, The Boy From Bairnsdale, and I’m venturing north to sunny Brisvegas, where my segment this week has taken on a PIOUS theme!

No, I haven’t forsaken the ways of Lucifer just yet, I’m taking on a Holy Horse!

Thy Kingdom Come hasn’t received a helping hand from Jesus or Saint Jude since he won at Rosehill in FEBRUARY of last year, and has since been bloused on the line at least half a dozen times (Phaistos the most recent demon), which should be proof enough that naming your horse in order to get the Christian Lobby to back you DOESN’T WORK!

And yet, because the Queenslanders are apparently inferior (They certainly are in rugby league), he’s somehow come up $3.30, just behind Desleigh Forster’s Red Chase!

What would compel someone to back a horse who hasn’t won for 16 MONTHS!

I’d give up after 15!

John, let me make this clear – Your horse will probably run well tomorrow, and I’ll give you some free Crazy Craig advice…

Tell the owners not to spend that runners-up cheque straight away!

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me CRAAAZY CRAIG!


Well Craig, you successfully retired Sunlight, who knows what else you could do.

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