Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide Review: 19th September

Chris Waller has mooned us all again.

He trains the First 4 home in the George Main…. and yet, the one finishing in the disgraceful 4th is none other than Verry Elleegant at $2.15 (Firm tracks are now no go zones for her), as Kolding, Star Of The Seas and Imaging cleaned everyone out.

Apparently that brought Waller past a lazy 1000 Group 1 runners in his career…. At least 4 of them dominated that lot.

Behemoth also mooned all of Victoria once again in the Sir Rupert Clarke, and throw in 2nd and 3rd being trained by the McEvoys, the Croweaters have given the Mexicans a dry licking.

So the Big Bad Bustling Behemoth wins a pair of Group 1s in 3 weeks with Craig Williams carrying 59 and 60kg.

Greg Carpenter will have to give him a handicap to rival Phar Lap in the 1931 Melbourne Cup to bring him down, because nothing from this Victorian crop are a hope of winning the major races.

Anyway, thankfully I managed an Even Steven from 2 bets – Money back from Hungry Heart, which I promptly put on Probabeel, and achieved a +0.5 result.

Go me.


Hungry Heart in the Tea Rose Stakes at Randwick – 2nd

Let’s see how much egg I can keep wiping off my face before I accept that Dame Gisele probably is a little bit better than Hungry Pea Heart.

JUST WAIT FOR THE MILE AND THE FLIGHT STAKES, HUNGRY HEART WILL GET DAME GISELE THEN.


Garner in Race 8 at Morphetville – 4th

That’s quite an effort from Stubby Holder to get Garner trapped 3-wide with no cover IN A 6 HORSE FIELD.

I’d also question what the hell Barend ‘The Male Model’ Vorster was doing on Ef Troop….. Looked like his only goal was getting the favourite beaten instead of actually trying to win.

It told in the end result.


Lyre in the How Now Stakes at Caulfield – Arse end of nowhere

And that’s why non-winners don’t win.

Crap start, dips barely 100m in, races keenly down the whole back straight, and promptly does 8/10ths of STUFF ALL.

This was Lyre’s best chance in 19 months to actually win, and she did absolutely nothing but munch on $50 notes, while Felicia rocked up and won.

That’s not just worthy of a life sentence for Lyre, that’s life without parole in H Division.


Celebrity Queen in Race 7 at Belmont – WINNER

What a way to avoid a wipeout.

In some pretty sticky conditions here in Perth (That wind off the Swan River was wild), I thought that was a fantatsic ride – Chris Parnham was on the fence, got a cart into the race following Money Matters, didn’t get serious until the 200m, and the end result was that he deadset ripped the heart out of poor old Cliffs Of Comfort.

A classic case of never ever looked like winning until she won…. I thought it would have been hilarious if I’d brought up the duck egg by losing in a photo, but instead, I smuggled it in at the death.

Better celebrate a win for Celebrity Queen with an appropriately titled Queen Latifah song.

FLY GIRL.


Crazy Colin’s Hucklebuck Tip Of The Day


Dirty Work E/W in The Shorts at Randwick – ****in’ 4th again…. No Hucklebuck tonight.

Bloody hell, Dirty Work was stiffer than a three day old corpse in The Shorts.

Tommy Berry got him in a very nice spot, he was peeling out in the straight, then he kept getting belted back into arses while trying to squeeze past Bivouac, forcing him to keep cut back to the inside for a run, and all told he picked up pretty well, and only just missed 3rd by a runny nose to Bivouac.

The classic Waterford TAB position – ****in’ 4th AGAIN!

Berry said that getting held up probably suited Dirty Work, as he has a short turn of foot, and with no alternate opinion to that statement, I’ll probably have to say fair enough.

I feel reasonably assured he wouldn’t have beaten Classique Legend, who is an Everest horse and proved that once again, but with a clean run and no disrupted momentum, he could very well have run 2nd or 3rd.

Anyway Crazy Colin, you filled in for a fortnight and performed far beyond my low expectations, but from next week, with 3 Group 1 meetings in 3 days, let’s just say I’ll need a crazy bastard with a pair of…

LUCKY LIPS.

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