Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 21st November

The biggest race of 2020 – Who will register the horse name “Woodville Pizza” first

Pictured: Corey Allan vs Josh Addo-Carr

Also, as a certified mug punter, after witnessing the events of Wednesday night, can I just say it’s also great to see the Blues have something in common with yours truly.

Neither of us can win in Brisbane.

On another note, it took me until 10 o’clock this morning, when I was writing this report, to realise there was a Friday card at Rosehill.

Now, obviously you have Friday nights at Moonee Valley, Canterbury + the Sunshine Coast, and there’s the odd Randwick Kensington meeting in the Summer, but Rosehill in a Friday twilight slot…

It just seems like an early Christmas present for Chris Waller to train 5 winners.

So with South Australian racing on hold until next week, a precautionary move because of a positive case who couldn’t work out if he was buying or selling pizzas in Woodville, the great game carries on, because as history shows, not even two world wars, repeated links to organised crime, allowing horses to get sent to abattoirs, or a global pandemic, can stop the massive soul crushing machine that is Australian racing.

It’s Provincial Saturday in the East, with the annual Ballarat Cup meeting in the goldfields of Victoria, featuring the only clockwise race in Victoria (Race 4), the second running of The Gong at Kembla Grange, and up at that strange venue called Corbould Park in sunny Caloundra, it’s the Swiss Ace Place and at the Mooloolaba Cup.

Now I don’t want to speak Illawarra, but Kembla Grange is hard enough to bet at on a Tuesday, let alone a major Saturday metro meeting with the sheer number of shorties who plummet into the lake, so just like every time I take the drive from Sydney to Nowra to visit my aunt and uncle, I’ll be bypassing Woolongong.

But, stuff all that boutique race nonsense, because the big event the weekend takes place over here in Wait Awhile, after the Fremantle Pacing Cup on Friday night…

The opening of the new WA Museum Boola Bardip!

Oh, and William Pike is out of quarantine and back riding at Ascot.

Ah, and it’s also Railway Stakes day.

There might be history tomorrow, because it seems for the first time ever, I’ll actually attend Ascot on Railway Stakes day….


Right You Are (No.3, Barrier 4) in Race 7 at Ballarat, 3:45pm AEDT

1600m BM78 Handicap Suez McKellar Mile

Trainers: Mick Price & Mick Kent Jnr, Hoop: Mark Zahra, 61kg

Hm, what musical addition could Right You Are receive?

“It just may be a lunatic you’re looking for” – A summary of Crazy Craig

Right You Are was well fancied at Flemington on Stakes Day, then trainer Mick Price went on Racing.com not even 10 minutes before the jump and said he didn’t think Right You Are could win on fitness, and that he needed the run.

History shows Mick was right, as Right You Are half-arsed it for most of the 1400m, but somehow Damien Oliver got him going late to finish a ‘promising’ 3rd by under a length.

Still, bloody hell Mick, couldn’t you have told the world what you thought on Friday before us aggrieved punters backed him?

So with Olly jumping off for Think ‘n’ Fly (Something barely anyone is doing these days), on goes another expat Sandgroper in Mark Zahra to lump the big weight (He has won with 62kg before), and harking back to that Flemington, it should be worth noting that the horse who edged out Right You Are was the Hayes-trained Power Scheme, who lost by a nose to So Si Bon last weekend in the Group 3 Eclipse at Sandown, which suggests that form isn’t too bad.

He’ll be better for the run, and now it’s up to the power of Christ, Buddha and The Fonz to get Right You Are over the line.

Can I get an Ayyyyyy-men?


Ballistic Boy (No.8, Barrier 5) in the Mooloolaba Cup at the Sunny Coast, 5:10pm AEST

1600m Quality Handicap

Trainer: Chris Anderson, Hoop: Matthew McGillivray, 54kg


Race 8 Number 8.

You know what we call that down at the Waterford TAB?

The Gabster Special.

This year’s Mooloolaba Cup appears to revolve around favourite Ballistic Boy, who put the writing on the wall with a big run home 1st Up at Doomben to finish 2nd behind Red Chase over the 1350m, as the big lump of a ballistic beast heads towards the 2400m staying feature on Magic Millions Day in January.

The fact that I just mentioned that will tell you he was well short of his best distance, which apparently bodes well.

Sticking aboard from that Doomben run is Matty McGillivray, still no relation to the late great Alan McGilvray, and Matty has a bit of form in the Mooloolaba Cup, given he booted home cult hero The Candy Man to victory last year.

On the bigger confines of Corbould Park, where he has won before, plus the step-up to the mile, I’m thinking Ballistic Boy could more than live up to his name with a huge run over the top of this pack of shitkickers.


Piss Poor Perth Punting


As mentioned in the introduction, the best carnival you can’t attend this late in the year reaches a high point with the time-honoured Group 1 Railway Stakes, and fun fact, this year marks 20 years since our beloved Northerly won the Railway, piloted gloriously by Dashing Danny Miller, setting the Fighting Tiger on the path to his 2 Australian Cups, 2 Cox Plates and a Caulfield Cup.

Here’s a few facts – 2000 was the last time the Railway was run on Perth Cup Day, and Northerly carried a mere 51 kilograms to victory – He carried at least 58 kilos for the rest of his career.


Dom To Shoot (No.2, Barrier 9) E/W in the Sky Racing WA Guineas (PR6), 3:20pm AWST (6:20)

1600m Group 2 3YO Set Weights

Trainer: Sean & Jake Casey, Hoop: Paul ‘The Pontiff’ Harvey, 56.5kg

I find it quite ironic that Sky Racing sponsor the WA Guineas, because the moment it runs late, they’ll send it to Sky 2 for some boring arse greyhound meeting in New South Wales.

Moving on….

The last time someone mentioned ‘Dom To Shoot’ in a sentence, it didn’t go too well for Collingwood…..

There’s plenty of value to be had in this year’s WA Guineas, with the usual ominous Cerise & White representation from 2 start maiden Western Empire (With Pike riding) and Magical Dream, Dom To Shoot for the Caseys, and Gemma’s Son, who started $1.50 in the most recent Karrakatta Plate back in March and promptly ran 4th.

There’s also the ‘X-Factor’ of Watch Me Dance, who comes in off the 7 day backup from the Champion Fillies, with the obvious question being how has she recovered off a Heavy track run in such a short amount of time.

So for no reason at all, I’m siding with Dom To Shoot, who got found out by a slow speed in the Fairetha Stakes, combined with getting caught wide at the rear, which pretty much ensured he was never a serious winning hope.

That said, if Scott Embry from TAB Radio is a reliable source, Dom To Shoot ran the fastest final 1000, 800, 600, 400 & 200 metre sectionals of the Fairetha, as President Trump would tweet…

BY A LOT.

That would suggest he’s more than capable of running a strong mile, as he steps out to the 8 furlongs for the first time, and despite getting a rotten barrier again (He’s had 6, 7, 12, 9, 11 and 9 again), if The Pontiff can get cover and slot in midfield, I’ll back in old Dom to hit the line well and hopefully run Top 3.

Still, there’s every chance we could see a double-figure winner in this one, so go wide if you’re operating in the quaddie.


A preview of the Railway Stakes (4:40 AWST/7:40pm AEDT) in terms that the average mug will understand

If you look at the market, it appears to be working…

Anyway, I did want to take Kay Cee, but after what happened to poor old Stevie Parnham with his fall during the Wednesday Ascot meeting, I’ll probably find myself drifting back to Inspirational Girl on the back of the low weight, plus that run home to swamp Too Close the Sun in the Asian Beau.

Absolutely nothing to do with the Wizard being on board.


Crazy Craig’s Lucky Lips Tip Of The Day

Doing more damage to Cliff Richard’s reputation than Cliff Richard

Rock (No.4, Barrier 11) E/W in The Gong at Kembla Grange (SR7), 4:45pm AEDT

1600m Quality Handicap

Trainers: Team Hawkes, Jockey: Tommy Berry, 57kg

Hello hello folks it’s Crazy Crazy CRANKY Craig, the Boy From Bairnsdale, still very much ANNOYED after my Lucky Lips let me down with Avilius, but not to worry, because it takes more than that to bring down the BFB, and I’m hopping straight back on the horse like the Craaaaaazy cobber I am!

The border between the great state of Bairnsdale and New South Wales might finally be reopening on Monday morning, but I’m not the kind of cobber to sit around and wait patiently, so I’m walking up to Kembla to check out, this thing called ‘The Gong’, because myself and Crazy Colin haven’t been welcome in Ballarat since 1994!

If you ask me knackers, it looks like another top notch race, and with no thought at all I’ll be following in something I saw run very well on Derby Day at Flemington!

Rock was under hard riding at the 600m in the Cantala Stakes, and young Michael Poy had to keep ducking and weaving looking for runs until the 200m, but you know what, he was still ROCK SOLID, and kept hammering home to run 3rd!

I know Cascadian beat him to the line, and meets Rocky again in The Gong, but if you ask me, Cascadian sounds like a Tasmanian beer, so unless his name changes to James Boag’s, I can’t take him!

Also, I don’t know anything about a Purple Sector because I don’t watch motor racing, Asiago is a cheese, and I know nothing about Dawn Passage, because I’ve certainly never gone through one in my life!

So with those options not viable for me, Rock is my pick of the day!

I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaazy Craig!


Craig, how could you send me a report about a horse called Rock, and not make a reference to THE ROCK!

You fossil.

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