Horse Racing

The Chalk Eaters Guide: 5th December

It was fitting that the favourite won the Gary Harley BM64 Handicap on Legends Day at Newcastle

Pictured: Trekking savages the line in the Winterbottom

Although, the only disappointment for Gaz in his big race was that the winning favourite wasn’t sitting at $1.20, nor was it trained by Kris Lees, nor was it owned by Australian Bloodstock.

So with December here and the Festive season in full swing, it’s time for the last Australian Group 1 of the calendar year, the time-honoured Kingston Town Classic (Formerly the Fruit ‘n’ Veg Stakes) at Ascot, which, as you may not know, is located in Belmont, while Belmont Racecourse is located in Burswood.

And if you think that’s strange enough, Doomben and Eagle Farm are both located in Ascot.

Imagine telling that to the Yanks who have no clue about Australian racing.

Aside from Group 1 races in mismatched Perth suburbs, the Pakenham Cup gets its annual standalone Saturday meeting, which has the potential to be even more traumatic for punters than Ballarat Cup day was a fortnight ago, and with the Queensland Summer Carnival simmering along, Doomben hosts the Group 3 George Moore Stakes, named after one of the most decorated jockeys turned trainers in Australian and Hong Kong racing history.

I’d contend that with how many major races he won around the world – The Arc de Triomphe, The Derby, the Ascot Gold Cup and the 1000 Guineas to name just a few – George Moore is one of the two best Australian jockeys to never win a Melbourne Cup, alongside Scobie Breasley.

He says this, having never seen neither of them ride.


Tavidance (No.8, Barrier 7) in Race 5 at Pakenham, 3:15pm AEDT

1600m David Bourke Memorial Handicap

Trainer: Mick Price & Mick Kent Jnr, Hoop: D.Oliver, 56kg

We can Tavidance if we want to,
We can leave your friends behind
‘Cause your friends don’t Tavidance and if they don’t Tavidance
Well they’re, no friends of mine!

Tavidance is apparently well placed by Mick Price, which tends to mean absolutely nothing if you can’t get a clean run during the race, which is a cruel fate Tavidance has suffered in his last 2 starts.

He ran up arses at Flemington on Cup Day, making his run feel more like a barrier trial with how little he had to extend, then his Kilmore Cup run would go well with ‘Horror Movie’ by Skyhooks playing over the top, as he missed the start, got put in a coffin on the rail by some tiring horses, and didn’t see daylight until Pancho was off and gone, ultimately losing by 3/4 of a length in another classic tale of a moral beaten.

Mick Price wasn’t on track that day, and thank goodness he wasn’t, because with the way Mick apparently went off at home, they’d still be cleaning up the radioactive waste to this day.

With Damien Oliver (The Thief as The Gabster refers to him) sticking aboard after his horror show, the gelding will get his chance against All Too Huiying, and the other good ordinary horses, and with a long overdue case of even luck, he’ll….

Hang on a minute…

Pakenham?

OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO.



Gone Bye (No.6, Barrier 7) in Race 6 at Rosehill, 4:15pm AEDT

2000m BM78 Sky Racing Active Handicap

Trainer: Mark Newnham, Hoop: Tom Sherry (a2), 59.5kg

Back for an encore from Cup Day, ladies and gentlemen, it’s the Bay City Rollers!

I probably should be taking the favourite Accountability based on his two wins in a row, but anyone who’s ever wasted their time reading this website will know that I don’t have any Accountability.

So on that note, ever since his big run for 2nd to Atlantic King at Randwick that Tuesday one month ago, Gone Bye was a horse screaming out “I am ready to win”, which we can gather from a rough translation of his whinnies when Mark Newnham takes him out for work, and wouldn’t you know it, Gone Bye got to the 1900m at Canterbury on a Friday night, went straight to the front, and said “Gone, Bye” as he won by 3 lengths.

Now he gets to the natural progression of 2000m, and an important note is that Ulusaba, who would’ve rolled forward and given Gone Bye nagging irritation in the lead, ran at Randwick on Friday afternoon, obviously meaning the market and speed maps will need some readjustment when he’s officially withdrawn, and it now looks like we’ll see Significance and Gone Bye together.

Assuming he comes along well from that Canterbury win, I’m more than hopeful Tom Sherry (The Four Seasons wrote a song about him) can try the same thing and give a very honest account of himself.


Piss Poor Perth Punting


As is semi-tradition, The Kingston Town Classic is the race to end the Perth Masters and Group 1 racing in Australia for the year, and you can’t not think of the many names the races has gone by over the last 44 years.

It started as The Marlboro 50,000, the Western Mail Classic, the Rothwells Stakes (Laurie Connell had a part in that), the Winfield Stakes, the Beat Diabetes 2 Stakes, the time-honoured Fruit ‘n’ Veg Stakes, before Perth Racing finally decided to rename it the Kingston Town Classic in 2007, given it marked 25 years since the King’s last win in the 1982 Western Mail Classic, which also turned out to be his final race start as well.

Originally tweeted by TAB Radio on December 3, 2020.

Oddly enough, for a horse that had the highest rating and had earned the most prize money of any runner in that Weight For Age field (By the length of the Nullarbor), Kingston Town wore saddlecloth No.2.

Talk about a quirk of history.


Watch Me Dance (No.16, Barrier 5) E/W in the Kingston Town Classic at Ascot, 4:50pm AWST (7:50)

1800m WFA Group 1

Trainer: Steve Wolfe, Hoop: Shooter McGruddy, 50kg

Another interesting edition of the Kingston Town, and it isn’t too often that you can get the best stayer, the best filly, the best colt, and the best mare in WA all in the same race.

If you look at recent history, the fillies more particularly have had the wood in the last 2 editions of the race – Arcadia Queen never looked like losing in 2018, and Kay Cee, with support from the Sunshine Band, stormed through on the rail to win last year from Gailo Chop.

This time around, the 3-year-olds come in the form of Dom To Shoot (3rd in the WA Guineas), Gemma’s Son, and the red hot Watch Me Dance, who completed the Champion Fillies-WA Guineas double a fortnight ago, making the most of Dom To Shoot’s unlucky run to stave off Em Tee Aye.

Call me crazier than Pete Evans, but I don’t find this race as clear cut as the Railway Stakes was with Inspiration Girl, especially with the 3-year-olds coming in to play at the sturdy old WFA scale, and the Inspirational Girl herself drawing out in Bayswater, whereas Watch Me Dance and Dom To Shoot are drawn ‘ideally’ in 5 and 7 respectively.

Steve Wolfe, Shaun ‘Shooter’ McGruddy and most of the Great Southern may have been pinning their hopes on Red Can Man, but he’s been taken to the 10 cent collection tip after 2 forgetful performances in the Railway and Winterbottom, meaning their hopes are now with the filly who has the greatest case as being the best 3-year-old in WA, let alone the best filly.

Very open race, with any one of Inspirational Girl, Watch Me Dance, Too Close The Sun, Dom To Shoot and Kay Cee all having a very realistic chance of winning, but like a desperate fool, I’m hoping the filly with the low draw + the light weight can run in the Top 3, although to be honest, if Dom To Shoot had a win past 1400m, I would’ve gone his way.


Dark Mission (No.6, Barrier 10) in Race 9 at Ascot, 5:30pm AWST (8:30)

1200m Seacorp Handicap

Trainers: Grant & Alana Williams, Hoop: W.Pike, 57.5kg

There’s only one thing I need for this, before it promptly goes down in flames.


Crazy Colin’s Wine Drinkin’ P(r)ick of the Day


LAYING Western Empire (No.5, Barrier 5) in the Sir Ernest Lee-Steere Classic at Ascot, 6:30pm AEDT

1400m Listed 3YO Set Weights & Penalties

Trainers: Grant & Alana Williams, Jockey: William Pike, 55kg

G’day folks, it’s Crazy Colin here AGAIN, and after Crazy Craig went out for a long lunch last week, this time around he got into a spat with the folks from Telstra on Wednesday (I think he called them Telecom – Classic Craig!), and he still hasn’t had his landline fixed as of Thursday night!

Let me tell you folks, there may have been a few verses of Kevin Bloody Wilson in that telephone exchange, namely STICK THAT PHONE UP YOUR ARSE!

I think Operator 42 will be getting an apology in the coming days.

Now, I may be a parochial Victorian, but I can’t be buggered betting at Pissant Pakenham, mainly because it’s so far away from the 19th Century, so I decided to get on the phone to my old mate Mr ‘Alfonse’ over in sunny Perth to see what was the go with these Group 1 races over in Ascot, and while discussing the form over the phone while I enjoyed a stolen beer from Craig’s fridge, I thought about the quaddie legs, and after taking a look at the dreaded First Leg, I noticed that this Western Empire is the standout market pick with the addition of the letters W P I K E against the winning machine Chantorque, but there’s one thing I found unusual about him….

HE’S A MAIDEN!

I DON’T CARE HOW MUCH TALENT A HORSE HAS GOT, BUT I CAN’T BACK A MAIDEN IN A BLACK TYPE RACE!

Actually, who am I kidding, I’m so Crazy I’ll probably back him anyway!

Yeah so, disregard what I just said kids – Western Empire, after a 4th at Group 2 level and a much appreciated lower barrier draw, will probably break his maiden in the Listed support race, something Craig won’t be doing with Telstra with all these profanities coming out of his mouth!

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