Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Good evening friends, ahead of what should be another snout in the trough weekend of racing, and I’ll start things off by making note of this punny headline from Racing.com during the week:

“Ayrton strikes Kah trouble”

I dunno about that, because based on the footage from 1994, car trouble wasn’t the only thing Ayrton struck….

On another note, there were some fiery scenes down at the Waterford TAB this week, as local character The Gabster got so frustrated that he wanted to invoke the Greek god Hephaestus and burn down the TAB and everyone inside it, including the mysterious figure known as The ‘Five Year Cough’, who is still coughing as you read this.

Unfortunately Gabster is closer to reaching the century than a lighter, so he’ll have to settle for complaining about how he hasn’t backed a winner there since the current owners took over.

So as we look ahead to this weekend, it’s another top notch nationwide day of racing, led by the Group 1 sprinting double header of the Goodwood Handicap at Morphetville and the Doomben 10,000, then you have The Andrew Ramsden at Flemington, the first golden ticket race for the Melbourne Cup, the Saturday half of the Scone carnival has permanently moved to Rosehill, probably because nobody could be buggered staying in Scone after the Scone Cup, and the last meeting at Ascot for the season is the Group 3 Roma Cup, and I could be wrong, but the race was actually named after A.S. Roma when they toured Australia in 1966 – True story!

So on that note, enough of my garbage, here’s the mysterious mental magician with his Picks of The Day, set to the sounds of one of Cliff Richard’s not so religious hits, LUCKY LIPS!

Sartorial Splendor (No.1, Barrier 5) in Race 3 at Flemington, 12:55pm AEST

1000m Breeders’ Handicap

Trainer: John Sadler, Jockey: Matthew Cartwright (a3), 58kg

Hello hello again friends, it’s Crazy Craig, The Boy From Bairnsdale, and it’s been a week since it happened, but I am STILL PISSED OFF with Crazy Colin.

Here’s the gist knackers – I made a very pretty penny backing Le Don De Vie in the Warrnambool Cup, and I gave the ticket (Value north of $1000) to that beer-stealing wanker to duck down to the TAB and collect the cash.

He came back 45 minutes later, an unusually long time for Colin to spend at the TAB, and so I asked WHERE’S THE MONEY?

After taking a few seconds for the signal from his brain to hit his mouth, Colin replied that he’d done a bit of investing on “Everything that ****ing moved!” to get a bit more than $1200, and he lost the lot!

PISS OFF COLIN, YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANYMORE BEER FROM ME!

Moving on from that disappointment, I’ve decided not to head to Adelaide this time around, and I’m instead going to Flemington for the first time in a long time, where I reckon one of Johnny Sadler’s runners can make it 3 wins from his last 4 up the straight!

Sartorial Splendor won very nicely up the straight on ANZAC Day, with a blistering turn of early speed to have the other pea-hearted runners crapping their dacks from the jump, and thanks to the claim from Matthew Cartwright, he only goes up one kilo on that win, and it’s worth noting that he splattered the second-favourite Ididitforlove by 3.25L in that win, and ahead of their rematch, Ididitforlove is effectively rising in weight by 3 kilos!

If all goes well, we’re looking at an old-fashioned Splendor on the Grass, and it should be noted that my Pick of the Day has run in the placings in the last 6 Saturdays without winning, but I reckon like the Washington Generals against the Harlem Globetrotters, WE’RE DUE.

SARTORIAL SPLENDOR, MY PICK OF THE DAY.

Oscar Zulu (No.22, Barrier 12) E/W in Race 9 at Rosehill, 4:30pm AEST

1400m BM78 Les Bridge Handicap

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: Jay Ford, 55.5kg

If you’re one of the few holdouts who didn’t think I was a lunatic, you’ll definitely think I am now, because I’m not making my Each-Way pick of the day in a South Australian Group 1, nor the coveted Doomben 10,000, and instead I’m going to the boring pissant lucky last race of the day at Rosehill, named after the now Hall of Fame inducted trainer Les Bridge, and I’m selecting a nag who would’ve gone well against the Poms in 19th century Africa…

OSCAR ZULU!

It’s bloody ironic, because I don’t think Zulu was even nominated for an Academy Award, which is bloody crazy, because it was a great film!

He’s barely featuring in the leading chances for the last, but if the Rosehill tracks stays in the Soft range, I reckon the fourth emergency Oscar Zulu, who will get a start 1st Up thanks to all the wet track-related scratchings, has a great chance of running in the Top 3, because if you look at the stats, he’s got a win and a second placing on Soft ground, BUT, more importantly, he’s 2 OUT OF 2 FIRST UP!

That’s about the only thing good about young Oscar, because he’s done bugger all outside of that!

Anyway, he may be a late season 3-year-old, he’ll probably do bugger all against an open class field, and Count De Rupee will probably live up to expectations and win, but do I care about any other camel in this field?

NO, because Oscar Zulu is my EACH-WAY PICK OF THE DAY.

Enjoy your Saturday folks, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!