By the time you see this, you will have received at least 3 useless Christmas presents from your loved ones

And based on today’s nationwide coronavirus case numbers, you might be getting something else from your loved ones this year.

So with that prediction out of the way, Christmas Eve is here, although by the time most of you read this, you’ll be half-pissed on Christmas night sitting around waiting for Boxing Day to kick off, although like most of Perth, I’ll be looking like a well-cooked Christmas turkey with this absolute bastard of a heatwave; 38 degrees today, 42 on Christmas Day, 42 on Boxing Day, 40 on the 27th, and 38 on the 28th.

That’s not the weather of one of the 500 most livable cities on Earth, that’s the surface of Venus.

The other kick in the gonads is that after 5 months of bliss, I’ll be looking like a cooked turkey in a mask, thanks to old unvaccinated mate Plastic Bertrand that came in from Queensland via France and spent several days galivanting around town when he was asymptomatic, although it must be mentioned he wasn’t potentially spreading the Omicron variant, he had the Macron variant, which is the variant that occurs when you back out of a submarine deal without warning.

That’s bloody typical Perth, we finally get something major come to town, and it isn’t even the most recent version.

As for what’s coming up on Boxing Day, aside from a watch-sponsored yacht race and a spot of cricket, there’s races like the Nhill Cup in some part of Victoria, Lord Stakes and the Christmas Stakes at Caulfield, the Group 3 Summer Cup at Randwick, the Group 3 BJ McLachlan at Doomben for the juveniles, and other than that, the Group 1 Zabeel Classic is on in New Zealand, but we’re not in New Zealand, so I better make some needless reference to Crowded House being Australian.

Alright, enough of my crap, because for the last time in 2021, here’s Crazy Christmas Craig with his not-so famous Picks of the Day, set to the tones of a bawdy bard who seems to love this time of year…

Yes, Kevin Bloody Wilson!

Pick of the Day: Lyrical Lad (No.5, Barrier 11) in Race 6 at Caulfield, 3:50pm AEDT

Hello hello everyone, Meeeeeeerrrrry Christmas, it’s Crazy Craig, TBFB here, but you can call me CCC – CRAZY CRAIG CLAUS!

Why is that, you’re wondering?

Well, for the last two weeks, I’ve been going around Bairnsdale in a red and white suit, looking at people who look down on their luck, and I’ve followed them home, climbed down their chimneys, and given them a scratchie!

But, Crazy Craig, why would you do all that just to give them a scratchie?

Because the look on their face is worth the cost of the ticket!

Yes, unfortunately that means I’m also subject to more police complaints than Crazy Colin after he drank those beers in the bottle shop, so I need to raise a bit of money, which I’m hoping to do at Caulfield on Boxing Day, where we find my Pick of the Day LYRICAL LAD, which could be named after any number of great songwriters, but I think it might be named after the second-best Beatle in Paul McCartney, who had a Christmas No.1 back in 1977 with Mull of Kintyre, complete with bagpipes!

Yes, the Phil Stokes gelding has been travelling just as well as Sir Paul did back in the 1960s and ’70s, winning his last two starts in varying conditions – A Heavy 10 at Cranbourne, where he won by that far he was back in the paddock by the time 2nd place hit the line, and on a Good 4 at Pakenham on their Cup day three weeks ago, where he had the race won a long way out from home, and also proved he didn’t need a wet track to be a good honest galloper, moving his career record to 4 wins from 9 starts.

The form out of that Pakenham race looks to be okay, because High ‘n’ Dry, who ran 2nd, went to Flemington last week and wound up charging home to win!

Of course, there’s at least three big differences for Boxing Day, the first of which is going from 70 grade up to a Metro Benchmark 84 at The Heath, Jamie Mott jumps off and on goes Zac Spain, brother of Zac Portugal, jumps on, and the biggest of the three key questions is that he tackles the 2000 metres for first time, although being out of a Derby winner like Roman Emperor, he shouldn’t have an issue….

The key word being SHOULDN’T.

Anyway, there’s plenty of good nags in the race with winning form, The Awesome Son, Daqiansweet Junior (What kind of a crazy name is that!), Laundy, which sounds like something I do on Sundays, but have I picked them?

No, so I don’t give a crap about them!

In summation, good luck Lyrical Lad, drop a fat beat on them fools, because you’re my last PICK OF THE DAY for the year.

Value Pick: Casino Kid E/W (No.4, Barrier 1) in Race 10 at Randwick (SR10), 6:10pm AEDT

1600m 3&4YO BM72 Heinken 3 Handicap

Trainer: Jan Bowen, Jockey: Ashley Morgan, 56kg

On to the value pick, and if you ask your old mate Crazy Craig, a name like Casino Kid is very appropriate for a great game based around people with giant amounts of money throwing cash around willy nilly, which makes me think someone like Kerry Packer would be a leading choice for a Casino Kid, given there’s the epic tale of him annihilating the MGM Grand tables, but obviously the big fella got sick of us this time of year 16 years ago, which makes me think the Casino Kid is none other than James Bond, who’s had an untreated gambling addiction for 60 years!

Although, I reckon a better name for a horse named after Kerry would be the current favourite for the Highway in Race 2…. CASINO LORD.

Anyway, I’m supposed to talk about Jan Bowen’s horse from Muswellbrook on his return to the sticks (Aka Parramatta), because I’m opining that he is a decent value selection in the last at ‘Woyal Wandwick’, off the back of a last start 3rd at Rosehill just on three weeks ago, in which he finished a length behind Waihaha Falls, who currently sits as the $4.60 favourite for this race, while Casino Kid is currently 12/1, despite the fact they’re both staying in the same grade!

Of course, Casino Kid had plenty of things go wrong in that Rosehill run, like copping a bump out of the gates, he laid in under pressure in the straight, and the unfortunate part was that his jockey ‘David’ Reece Jones dropped the whip in the straight, which was a big ‘what if’ for me, because his last 600m was actually faster than Waihaha Falls!

Long story short, Casino Kid has drawn Barrier 1 again, which doesn’t really help a horse that likes to get back in transit, Ash Morgan hops aboard in place of Jones, there’s a bit of rain forecast for the late afternoon in Sydney, which would be very handy for the Kid, and if he gets a bit of good fortune in the straight, he’ll be every chance of running in the placings again, which would be as good as a win by my low standards!

So there you go, have a VERY SMALL gamble with Casino Kid, because he’s my value pick of the day.

Random Fleetwood Mac Pick: Kirwan’s Lane (No.4, Barrier 2) in Race 3 at Randwick (SR3), 1:50pm AEDT

1600m BM88 Bowerman’s Handicap

Trainer: John O’Shea, Jockey: Tom Sherry (a1.5), 59.5kg

Fun fact – You know what an 18-year-old Danny Kirwan’s first recording with Fleetwood Mac was?

Playing alongside Peter Green on Albatross, which remains Fleetwood Mac’s only UK No.1.

You don’t get Peter Green without Danny Kirwan.

Have a good Christmas and Boxing Day everyone, stay safe, keep your eyes on the road, don’t be a stranger or throw your phone in the river, wear a mask, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!