It’s A Kind of Magic… Millions

Ah, the time has come for the Magic Millions meeting on the Gold Coast, where the colourful characters spend millions on yearlings that invariably turn out to be mostly piss and wind, while the shrewd buggers buy blue blood horses for 5 figures that somehow turn out to be some genetic freak of nature.

A new feature for this year’s Magic Millions meeting is The Debut 2YO Plate for Race 2, which as the name suggests is contested by debuting juveniles, because betting on 2YO races apparently wasn’t hard enough.

Hilariously, the first emergency for The Debut was Limero, who was obviously scratched for the simple fact that he debuted last week at the Gold Coast.

The other major event of the day is the re-run of the Perth Cup after the tragic events of New Year’s Day led to the abandonment of the race, in which Buster Bash shied out at the post first time around and sent Dom To Shoot and Chili Is Hot crashing to the ground, and sadly Chili Is Hot never had a chance.

The other major note for the day is that Flemington is starting early due to the heat in Melbourne, which would mean the feature Standish Handicap is being run some time around 1pm local…

So all up, you’ll be staring at 10 hours and 30 minutes of racing on Saturday, which means several execs at TabCorp will be at half mast when they see the turnover figures.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and I started off the preamble with Queen….

Well, here’s THE KING with some mumbo jumbo about luck:

Forbidden City (No.2, Barrier 5) in Race 5 at Flemington (MR5), 12:33pm AEDT

1400m BM78 Brew Living Legends Handicap

Trainer: Peter Moody, Jockey: Luke Nolen, 59.5kg

Hello hello everyone, it’s Craaaaaazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, saving myself up for Magic Millions Day, when I go in with high hopes, and invariably go to shit by Race 2…

Actually, I just call that ‘Saturday’!

Anyway, the gallopers are starting early on Saturday due to the heat in Melbourne, although we wouldn’t know what heat was out here in Bairnsdale, so for the time being I’ll take a trip to Beijing…

Because I’m going all the way with FORBIDDEN CITY.

Fearnought (No.10, Barrier 3 E/W in Race 4 at Rosehill (SR4), 2:05pm AEDT

1350m BM78 Schweppes

Trainer: Chris Waller, Jockey: John Allen, 55.5kg

100 years ago there were Dreadnoughts roaming the oceans in search of a quick kill…

Now we’ve got a Fearnought roaming the highways of New South Wales in search of a quick kill..

Alternatively, you can use Fearnought in a sentence:

“Fearnought, for Fearnought will run in the Top 3, don’t you worry about that!”

The Elton John Pick: Yellow Brick (No.4, Barrier 5) in Race 8 at the Gold Coast, 4:10pm AEST

1425m Magic Millions 3YO Guineas

Trainers: Tony & Maddy Sears, Jockey: Ben Thompson, 56kg

Hey Yellow Brick, WHEN ARE YA GONNA COME DOWN from Toowoomba?

Probably tomorrow morning, because the race is at tea time.

And if Yellow Brick’s bubble does burst, we can sing this:

GOODBYE Yellow Brick road
Where the dogs of society howl
You can’t plant me in your penthouse
I’m going back to my plough!

Back to the howling old owl in the woods
Hunting the horny back toad
Oh, I’ve finally decided my future lies
Beyond the YELLOW BRICK road!