Based on a series of plausible events in a regional Victorian town

Alright folks, the first Saturday in September, the AFL Finals have ignited with Fremantle going down in a massive pile of steaming shit after the greatest home & away season of their history, Carlton’s magic carpet ride has been doused in gasoline and set alight, and with Moonee Valley out of action we’re off to Sandown for a unique running of the Moir Stakes, which for years operated as a Group 2 run over 1000m on Cox Plate Day (And run over 1200m from 2007 to 2014), then in 2013 the race was upgraded to Group 1 status and the MVRC moved it to AFL Grand Final Eve, it went back to a 1000 metre shootout in 2015, and it retained the Grand Final Eve position until 2024, when it was brought into the early Spring.

Interesting fact – Buffering not only won the race as a Group 2 and a Group 1, more uniquely he won the race as a 1200 metre Group 2 (2012), a 1200 metre Group 1 (2014), and a 1000 metre Group 1 (2015), the last of which was a 1st Up win after a 9-month injury layoff, which led Greg Miles to declare “Buffering, you’re an old marvel!”

after the MVRC decided last year to bring it 3 weeks forward out of its AFL Grand Final Eve Friday night slot and back to a Saturday afternoon for the first time since 2011, when it was still a Group 2 run over 1200m on Cox Plate Day.

while Randwick hosts Group 2 races such as the Furious Stakes, Tramway Stakes and the Chelmsford Stakes, the Farnley Stakes at Belmont, which will probably get moved to Pinjarra after we had heavy rain in Perth, and of course, there’s another great race meeting this weekend, held in the arse end of nowhere…

BIRDSVILLE.

There are backmarkers at Birdsville that were consumed by dust and never heard from again, the Simpson Desert consuming them whole.

Of course, the other major news to affect the Spring is that The Metropolitan at Randwick has been downgraded from Group 1 to Group 2 status by the Asian Pattern Committee, and to be honest I haven’t seen an Australian Group 1 race lose that status since the WATC Derby went down in 2011, paving the way for the Winterbottom Stakes to go up to a Group 1 and strengthen the Perth Spring Carnival…

Anyway, there are far too many polished turds in Australian racing that get Group 1 status, many of them clogging up Sydney racing carnivals.

So it’s on to Crazy Craig, and I wonder what’ll come first… The Brisbane Lions completing their second threepeat in 25 years, or our altruistic madman finding another winner and getting the scratchies to the luckless folk of Bairnsdale, to the sounds of CLIFF RICHARD!

The Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen Tribute Pick: Ser Joh (No.12, Barrier 1) in Race 8 at Eagle Farm (BR8), 3:28pm AEST

1400m Sky Racing Open Handicap

Trainer: Robert Heathcote, Jockey: Taylor Marshall, 52kg

Good morning friends it’s Crazy Craig TBFB, Scratchie King of Bairnsdale, actually fronting up this weekend unlike Fremantle’s vaunted forward line…

They call Patrick Voss the Prancing Pony, well on Thursday night it looked like James Sicily turned him into a prancing gluestick!

Anyway, speaking of blokes that actually front up, great to see SER JOH is back on the ballot in Queensland as he goes for another win at Eagle Farm… I wonder if he’s come back to get a swing to the Country Party from the One Nation voters, which might not work out if Jana Wendt has anything to say about it!

AND JUST REMEMBER, IN THE WORDS OF THE FORMER QUEENSLAND PREMIER…

DON’T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT!

The Dolly Parton Tribute Pick: Tennessee Bound (No.11, Barrier 3) in Race 9 at Sandown, 4:50pm AEST

1300m Group 3 Quality Chautauqua Stakes

Trainer: Ciaron Maher, Jockey: Jabez Johnstone (a), 54kg

And now for a tribute to Tennessee’s greatest export since Carl Perkins and Jack Daniels, Dolly Parton herself, who once believed that she wrote Joelene and I Will Always Love You on the same day, only to later realise they were on the same tape from when she was recording the Joelene album in 1973, and they were most likely written shortly after each other….

Well, I have known plenty of blondes that can’t get their facts straight, and Crazy Colin was one of them… so he dyed his hair brown and now he’s a brunette that can’t get his facts straight!

Fun fact about Tennessee… Tennessee Williams was actually from Mississippi, nor did he ever actually live in Tennessee.

Moir Stakes Shot at the stumps: Point Barrow (No.8, Barrier 10) E/W

Enjoy your weekend folks, stay safe, stay negative, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, and remember, I’m Crazy Craig, and that’s why they call me Craaaaaazy Craig!